Just Today

What a day..  I get home from a seriously long day, only to have to come into a house that is destroyed!  Is it so much to ask for a 37 year old man to pick up after himself?   Or perhaps wash a dish..Hell even put a dirty cup in the sink seems like a long shot!   So aggravating anymore!  And then I am expected to cater to him, because he sat in a truck all day, and hauled coal!  Not exactly my idea of hard labor!   No disrespect to any CDL drivers out there, but the one I ended up with, acts like his job takes all priority over everything including his kids..and myself.   Now not that I expect him to do much, but a little hand in raising his kids would be  nice..he's not once bathed our 6 mo old baby, and to change a diaper, I must throw a horrible fit.  

our sex life is also a horrible problem these days.  We didn't do it often, but have lately.  Only the thing is it lasts for maybe a minute.  It makes me feel so used!  Like ya, I got off, I'm happy..sorry for your loss!  It's been so long since we actually kissed, the funny thing is, I don't even care!  I love him, and I know I do, but its like I just can't accept him for how he is.  He promised me the world in the beginning, and well never delivered.  He's super jealous, and thinks I am always up to something.  With the exception of me doing this, I've never so much as even spoke negatively of him in front of anyone ever before.  

I hate to just end it all, since there are small children involved.  Yet I wonder if I can continue to take the crap.  He will just pick up and go to bed, without so much as a good night to me, or any of the kids, let alone taking them to bed too.  I hate bitching about all this, but lately I feel like if I don't start getting some of it out, I'm gonna go nuts!!!  I've talked with him different times too about my unhappiness, and I feel I am treated so unfairly and  underappreciated, and he always promises it's not true, and it will change.  Never has.  You see, I do stay at home and I know it's my job to care for the house and the kids, and he works, but when he comes home, he's DONE...Literally won't do a damn thing.  Won't get the kids a drink, won't help clean up supper (which I prepare).  I am just afraid that my little girls are going to end up with a guy like him, and think that it's ok.  

Well, now that all you know more than most friends about my relationship with my  ''husband'' , I should stop for now.  Husband being that we are not actually married, but have been together for 7 years, lived together for 6., and have kids, joint checking, etc., etc...

abbymay26 abbymay26
26-30, F
6 Responses May 24, 2012

Its probably how these men where raised.Spoiled by their parent. I still live at my parents but when im home before them i make or At least prepare lunch, clean the house, do the laundry etc

Geez...I would never throw water on you! I just got home today after working 7.5 hours and grocery shopping to a drunk husband. He passed out on the bed and I really wanted to kick him. He proceeded to wake up, get dressed to go out again. I am enjoying some alone time with my pups and watching tv. I still cannot believe that he is so inconsiderate. I hope things get better for ya :)

same to you...I can't deal with drunk husbands! i would have kicked his ***! At least you get some time to yourself

There is no abuse in my marriage, but the finances are driving me into thinking about divorce. I do have to say that some years ago I finally managed to get angry enough with the 'wham, bam, no org###' for me thing that I told him he'd better cut that out or we would not be having sex any more. He did actually fix things to make sure that we both enjoyed ourselves from then on. I admit that I love him. We do have 2 kids and so divorce will not be easy, not that I guess it ever is. I can't stand all the bills anymore though, and he is just digging us deeper.

Yes, money causes us a ton of problems too. He expects to me to just have none of it...while he blows it on dumb **** like CB's and wrenches..and other tools he'll never actually use for anything other than to sit on a shelf in his overly clean garage! I'm just expected to make diapers or something while he buys whatever.

I hate to say it but I have a lot of the same issues with my wife and a lot of emotional abuse. I'm at a loss for what to do at this point but even speaking as a man, there are men that feel the pain that you are going through.

Say what? I'm the one she's been abusing.

i'm sorry..why do you put up with the emotional abuse? Mine is more like neglect I guess..he don't bother...and uses my 12 yr old as his slave...He does more than him..and it makes me sick...

I'm just lost and don't know what to do. Can't afford to leave her, refuse to give up my son. Just fall into my shell and try to avoid an argument.

Dumb question, I suppose I knew the answer...All the same reasons I stay too. You ever wonder how it went so wrong? I know my relationship hasn't always been bad..Just seemed to get there one day and never go back.

I totally get this j21043. The "she's been abusing" part.

there are no dumb question. i know where it went wrong, just nothing I could do about it. Can't change it, made it as right as I could....just never good enough...always wants more

3 More Responses

Many married women who read this are going to say "Amen!" I think society has taught men that their wives are there to take care of them. Okay, maybe back in the day when all the wives stayed home and their full time job was running the house and the kids...but today women work, often as hard if not harder then the men. Add beer to his list of faults and I would think we are married to the same guy. I have no advice...I am working on my own decision...just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this battle.

thanks! funny because beer was about the one that he did actually cut because of me. Had he still be drinking, we surely wouldn't stand a chance, because he turns into the biggest **** i've ever met..

I feel you pain! I have been married for 5 years and feel under valued in the relationship. I am working 2 jobs, sometimes 3 to keep a roof over our head. He is currently unemployeed. Luckily we do not have children as of yet. I really want kids but I feel as though I will be the only one taking care of them. One of my coworkers told me some sage advice today, do things to make YOU happy and stop doing so much to enable his laziness. Go out and take the kids for a fun day....or just a walk. Do you and maybe he will come to realize that he wants to be part of the remedy and not the problem. I wish you the best!

Hate to say it but I've tried this and for me at least it has failed drastically. She keeps asking to go to this zoo. Problem is she wants to go when it's raining or over 95 degrees or below 40. Logic evades me on this. So a few weekends ago it was a perfect day. I asked if she wanted to go and she passed to stay at home and take a nap. My son and I went. Had a great day. I've come of the perception that people like this can get there own things, food, beer, whatever. If they continue to live on the couch and let the cable tv wash over them then it is there life they are missing. One day when it's too late they will realize it. From there tough ****.

Then the nap.....I work 2 jobs and take care of my son during the day. On average I get 3-5 hours of sleep Mon-Fri. Sometimes on the weekend I'd like a nap. Last time I tried that I got a bucket of ice water on me and an argument that I'm so lazy and good for nothing.

I need to adopt that kind of attitude. I guess I just keep hoping something will wake him up, and he will want to be a good dad...and husband...seems like unless its the tv, it doesn't get his attention.