What To Do?
I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I am close with about how unhappy I am in my marriage. I don't want anyone to know how stupid I have been by staying by my husbands side for seven years while he has behaved this way. I admit, it is really stupid of me to put up with even a fraction of his bull, but every time I go to leave I get sucked back in again. I feel like I am letting it control my life and seriously get in the way of having any real chance at happiness. Am I addicted to pain? He literally will ignore me for hours upon hours of the day. I could be standing directly in front of him talking and he will look right through me and give no response. When I try to talk about my feelings he will lay down and fall asleep. He tells me to shut the **** up when I try to talk, he'll put his hand in my face and tell me he won't be talking to me about anything. He has never hit me, but has destroyed tables, multiple smaller items, put holes in the walls throughout the house and has put his fist through the bathroom door because I was in there with the door locked. He has shoved me down multiple times and left bruises as well. He will then after a few days of behaving this way swear he'll change and goes to counseling where he then immediately refuses to discuss anything they talk about nor does he read the required material he his sent home with. He also doesn't take the medication that they prescribe him. He randomly decides he won't be coming home from anywhere for a day to weeks all while refusing any communication. I want out so bad but cannot seem to get the courage to. I end up getting so mad at myself for allowing him to treat me like this.