Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Newbie In A Unhappy Marriage

Ok, I'll keep this short. Last night I went to bed in tears after another fight with my husband. He's meanest at night, because that's when he's usually drunk. So, I grabbed my phone and googled "unhappily married", and found this web site. I'm so excited! I finally feel like I have a place to vent and get advice from people who are going through similar things. The more I read their stories, the more I notice that a lot of them have been putting up with the same crap for many, many years! 15, 20, 25 years. Thankfully for me, I have only been married for 5 years. But the stuff my husband puts me through on a daily basis, is making me finally realize that he is not going to change, he IS a alcoholic, and I can do way better, and should before it's too late...
keepittogether keepittogether 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 11, 2012

Your Response


why are you waiting for a better time to get out? it will never come. the time is now. go before it gets worse.

i m varun singh i m only 31 can u want to make friendship with me

you have only one life enjoy yourself

keep your head up be strong

I too go through this. My husband of 13yrs doesn't drink everyday, but he is an alcoholic. He drinks maybe 5 times out of the year but when he does it's for days. The kids and I won't hear from him for about 5 days. My children are all under the age of 10 and I have total of 3. My unhappiness comes from his mood swings, even when he's not on one of his binges. He would be extremely MEAN to the kids and I over the smallest things that aren't even in are controll. I am the one who try's to keep everyone happy especially the kids. It's not all the time he acts this way, and to his diffence he is wonderful when himself. Everyone has bad days, but their is NO excuse to be not even rude but flat out disrespectful to your wife and kids. I feel nervous when he gets that way because I don't want him to go drink. He would use his bad day for an excuse. My youngest has Autism and that's a handful in its self. This isn't an every day matter, but a garenteed situation once or twice a week. I tired of walking on egg shells just to make my family happy. I took a vowl for better or worst, and I feel strongly for having my kids in a two parent home. I pray to god everyday to get whatever hate that is inhim out, and may only good come in. He is not physically abusive, slightly verbal but I would say more disrespectful than anything else. I am one who feels that you should be treated with the same respect that you give to others. Does anyone else have a similar situation as mine?

by staying, you are teaching your kids to accept the treatment you all get. when your kids grow up and marry alcoholics with no respect for their families, will you be ok with that? if not, it's high time to make some changes. counseling, therapy, AA; whatever works. good luck and be strong for your kids!

Some things are not fixable darling,its up to you to realise your safocating then get out or be killed,its like ahomophobic country i live in where every one wants to fix gay ppl make them straight,its insane,so most gays leave for abroad and some of us who stay wait to be killed each day,more than achoice its fate!Wake up,do somethng honey,

You've found a great place to be, sweetie. I'm so sorry your marriage isn't what you had hoped for, but there are many people here who will understand and be helpful to you. My disastrous, abusive marriage ended over 20 tears ago, after almost 15 years. I wish EP had been around then, because I would've been out much sooner. Best of luck to you, sweetie, and welcome to EP. (((((hugs)))))

Thank you, that means a lot to me :)

Let me suggest Salvation Army drug and alcohol rehab program .6 months of residential can't leave building for 1st month then .. it is AA 12 steps with a lot of good stuff to make it committal for them.. he must accept his need or .. Court system steps in in domestic cases.. to order participating in it.. about 80 men are in it 80 beds now <br />
I don't have much to do with it except my job .. i work with the men on a daily basis.. at a work site.. they have jobs there .. their co that they worked for must provide medical leave.. or.. the man just turns himself over to SA for rehab..

God, yes! Take my advice.GET OUT NOW! I am one of those who tried to fix someone unfixable for thirty years. He was not an alcoholic, but that would have been easier! Live your life. The one that makes you happy. And fulfilled. Rare is it that alcoholics change. My dad was one. And never stopped drinking until he was in his sixties and developed heart problems. Please for your sake get out. You do not mention children. Perhaps you have none. Alcoholism affects them too. I could tell you, but presently I am too exhausted to do so....Please get out. Love cannot change or cure alcoholism. Just advice from my experiences. Enormous hugs....

We do have a child and it scares me to death. I never grew up around anyone that drank a lot, but his whole family drinks all the time? And most of them are loosers with dui's .. That was mean of me, but it's true! His Mom drinks vodka all day and shes so negative and mean to me.. But thats a whole nother story lol..
Thank you for the advice and sharing your storry

Don't forget that you and your child can get counselling through Al-Anon and Al-a Teen. Or if he/she is younger, there are therapists or counsellors available. Please take care of you and your child. Good luck to you.

The longer you put up with emotional abuse, the more damage to your self-esteem and the harder it will be to walk away.

Your so right

Damn, that is real unfortunate. Sorry about the whole thing. I can't imagine what it must be like, but I hope things get better in the near future. Good luck, all the best.