Not Happy In My Marriage

You know what? He actually walked out and left me this past Friday night... in almost 13 years, he had never done that before. I thought it was over and done, but he came back for work clothes the next morning about 0730 and then that afternoon, called and said he wanted to go skating with me and the kids. We didn't say anything to each other all day yesterday and today he acted like nothing ever happened. WTF??

You're his soulmate?

Very funny, ninja boy!! :-P

Thank you for the comment...I hate that other people are unhappy, but it makes me feel a lot better to know that I am not alone in it. I hope that the right time will be soon, but it's like a roller coaster...one day I feel ready, and the next day I don't.

good luck!

:-) thank you!

He's your soulmate.

Alright, jackjjackson, you can knock it off with that now!! :-P :-P :-P

Ask him. He will say that.

What?? What's that, jackjjackson?? All I heard was "blah, blah, blah"

Exactly! If we didn't have kids, I wouldn't have stayed for this long.

Thank you, I think you are right about that

Been there Angel. Kids know. I never want my girls to think it's ok to stay in a love less marriage.

I think that is where I am headed with this. I think he and I both deserve better that what we have.

Yes...we definitely can not control our feelings :-)
Thank you! Hugs to you, too.

Thank you for this. I hope that things work out well with you and your girlfriend. Sounds like you are able to work through your differences with her. I don't think mine will be that simple, we have grown apart over many years and I really see no hope for the situation. Lots of other underlying issues, as well.

I am sorry to hear that, however you could always start small and work through the issues since from what it sounds like you already know what the issues are and can work on a solution that best fits booth of you. Its easier said then done, I know!! for me some times its extremely hard to let go of something and really try to put my emotions a side and try to talk it out calmly, even though she is still stubborn, but at the end of the day she realizes how hard it was for me to do what i did to not flip out on her. If I didn't have the maturity to control my feelings my relationship would have been over 3 years ago. You cant make anyone change in a day, month, or a year, you can however let them know that what they are doing to you hurts you a lot and that you really feel bad from their actions, If they love you they will understand and slowly change that. If they don't over some time then they have a hard time understanding your situation. Some times you have to let them know multiple times. All this again comes down to you taking the first step to try to resolve this, you wont see any change for a while. But your counter part will eventually see what you are going through and take notice. relationships never come perfect they are built to perfection with kids in the mix it makes it a lot harder. So in order to deal with that both of you need more alone time. I really dont have much more to say but best of luck and I know for a fact that you can do this. Women are far more advanced then men as far as thinking goes, you can carry a conversation anticipating and knowing exactly what the response will be before the other person starts talking. Technically this should be easier for you ;) Good Luck

Hmmm...I don't know...I guess that could be possible. The 1st husband left with another woman, though...I never got the opportunity to see if I could hang in there for life with him :-)

Fair enough response. Do you think you drove him away into the arms of another woman? Bottom line is that he shouldn't have done it in the first place though. Not cool.

No...we got along great in evry way...I think it was the age difference...he was 40 when he left and I was only 25. He left with a woman pretty close to his age and then married her. They were together until last year...she left him for a guy about 20 years younger.

Sounds very Jerry Springer'ish

Gee, thanks! :-P
We never had a physical falling out, so it doesn't quite qualify for Springer

lol I see

Sounds like we are stranded sea in the same boat :-(
I hope things work out for you. My situation is even more complicated now because I have found someone I really want to spend some time with...didn't mean to, but just happened. A bitter-sweet situation to say the least. Good luck to you and Merry Christmas :-)

*at sea

Same with me. :) Know how you feel.

Oh, boy...so we are both in a "bit of a pickle," are we? I wish the best for you ;-)

Thanks...same to you and I love your avatar! So cute!

lol..thank you :-D

Thanks. You deserve the best, as well. I think my time may be getting close...at least I hope so.

Yes, it is. I think I may be a little closer to making a decision on this, though

Thank you. I hope you find the happiness you are looking for.

Thank you, my sweet friend! :-)

Thank you so much, garvan. You have no idea how much your comment means to me. Although I wish that I had showed even half of your grace when I responded to those women. I am the same way...if I read something I don't like, I simply move on. I couldn't imagine myself attacking someone on here, however I am quick to defend myself and would do that for any one of my friends...I just hope I show a little more class next time. :-) I have to admit that I was hurt, mad, and crushed from what they said, but you have made me realize that while I may not be able to hold my marriage together, I should still be proud of the fact that I am a kind person who would never intentionally try to hurt someone's feelings or attack them for who they: are or what they feel. Thank you for helping me see this a little more clearly and for your suggestions on my marriage situation :-)

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
Blessings.

:-) Thank you

Thank you for commenting. We don't fight...a mild arguement rarely, but I think that would be normal in most marriages...we just have NO relationship. It is good to get comments from the perspective of someone who was a child of the divorcing parents...it allows me to see the point of view of my children...and that is really what is most important to me. :-)

there was 3 of us at home and all but one of us but the youngest are ok and happy for our parents the youngest however is alittle mad because the woman he married is the woman he cheated with while my mom was taking care of her dieing parents they was supposed to be best friends as she gets older she will see my mom was happy for the excuse to leave and she will forgive her just as we did my dad was married 7 times divorced 6 my mom was married 5 times now and divorced every single time that caused me not to ever get close to men she married and they would get mad at her for it but i knew they wasnt the last one but if you dont do that then your kids will be fine

The number of marriages explains a little about how you have so many siblings...or possible siblings. Yes, that would make me a little hesitant to enter a relationship with a man, too. They aren' t all bad, though. I know some people who have been married for a long time and are very happy...at least they say they are, anyway. I was actually very happy with my first husband, but he...out of the blue....ran off with another woman...and so that wasn't such a happy situation in the end.

you are nicer than i am the locks would have been changed and his stuff would have been in the yard when he returned my dad admits he was wrong and has cheated on every woman he has ever dated or been married to but he swears my grandpa was lieing on him he only has 7 kids 3 from his first marriage one from the lady he cheated on her with then he cheated on her again with my mom but when my mom was pregnant with me he divorced her and married my mom 2 months and 8 days before i was born

and my mom had 2 more after me

No, I'm not nicer! I asked him if he would continue seeing seeing her and he said he would, so that was the end of it. The night I found out about his cheating on me was the night he left and never came back. I was in love, so I might would have taken him back after a week or so, but that wasn't an option...he didn't want to come back. He actually married that women and they were together 16 years until last year, and then she left him for another man. I was angry with him for a long time, but now I am not. He was 15 years older than me...when he left me he was 40 and I was 25. There was a big age gap there, and I understand now that he couldn't relate to me. The woman he left me for was closer to his age...I think she is about 4-5 years younger than him.

oh first husband im sorry i missed the word first thought you was talking about the current one and in the end he karma bit him in the *** my dad is crazy he cheats on his current wife and she cheats on him and they act like it is perfectly normal same with my mom she cheated on him he cheated on her but his first wife was faithful never cheated on him infact my mom lived in her house when she got pregnant with me now my brothers mom is dead and i wasnt aware that they did that to his mom until this year and i find it hard not to be pissed at both of them that woman was amazing she treated me as if i was her own kid how many people can say their dads ex wife that didnt ever have to see them because your dad sure as hell didnt try to be in his other kids lives came and got you and took you out places and bought you stuff and loved you like you was theirs until the day she died even though you was concieved while she was still married to your father

Thank you ;-)

Hmmm...and you are a typical *****. Now...does that sound familiar?

Oh, wow...I thought you were a guy! Bwaha! Let's change that from typical ***** to typical *****, then

Just bcause I'm female doesn't mean I have to agree with u. U talk about a man who has taken on your children from another relationship and is good to them and his own. I still don't know what 's wrong with him. Has he passed his use by date?? Oh u r sick of being strong, fine then move the f.... On and stop complaining. U have 3 children how will they see commitment ???u have been married for 12 yrs but unhappy for 8 so why have 3 children???! Just to make them miserable too??? Yeah u r right not a lot of sympathy from me.

Wow.... have u ever been married or have children...Ms. Kiwitti?

Geez, lady...do you not have anything else to do?? Stay off my stories and profile. Go tend to your perfect "my-****-don't-stink" life you have there.

Onmymind...thank you :-) I think she is apparently just way better than all of us low-life people. :-)

You're right Kiwitti, but she just wants to slam on anyone who doesn't want to feel sorry for her.

Thank you, Alice :-)

Thank you again, Alice...and you took the words right out of my mouth!

Kiwitti,
You say your from Nashville, so am I. We are a whole lot nicer than what you are projecting here. Lookforanexit is a wonderful person who is in a tough spot. Its easy to kick people. What we should all do is help one another. Like my mother would say if you can't say something don't say anything.

oh same goes to you patternsoflight!

Thank you, Daledale...and a special thank you for saying I am a wonderful person. You have seen me at my best and my...ummm...not-so-best, so it means a lot coming from you. And you are a wonderful person, too. :-)

I understand what you are going as you know. With that said, I respect and appreciate the way you handle yourself. First Class all the way, nothing less :)

Hugs, Daledale :-) I am fortunate to have you as a friend.

It would take at least that...

And you don't think that somewhere in 8 years of being unhappy that I haven' t tried that? Not everything in life has such a simple solution. Maybe you can give me one of those "all happy and everything is wonderful" pills you are obviously taking. And I have put in effort...I didn't just wake up one morning and decide "this sucks...I'm out of here"

*Applauds wildly*

;-)

yeah. *applauds*

*bows graciously :-) Hello friend :-)

s so... how's your sex life lately?

lol...how's yours? You know I have none!

I'm just teasing you. Horny woman. Lol

Ooohh...you are SO not funny! :-P

Oh looking for an exit says it all

I hope I make the wisest and best decision! Thank you

Thank you soooo much for that. It makes a lot of since. Sorry your marriage didn't work out after all that time together

Thanks, I hate using this phrase but "it is what it is" When I said our marriage became comfortable, what I meant was stale, dull and boring. It's very hard to break old habits no matter how unhappy they make you. People dont like change. I had suggested a divorce over a year prior to this and her response was, "Whaaa, you got a hot young chick on the line?" OMG, I've only had 4 girlfriends in my entire life and I have been married to her since 1972 when I was only 22 (she's 6 years older). I not only adopted her 2 children who were 3 and 10 at the time but I gave them the same unconditional love that I gave our own daughter. ...ahhh, it's such a long story...I'm really pretty angry with her right now. On the bright side, I have 3 loving children who are now 50, 43 and 39.
I really think that all this is for the best. I believe that everything happens for a reason, Right now we have been separated for 10 months and I am not at all ready for an intimate relationship - I am hesitant and afraid.
But I'm making this all about me and it really is all about you, sweet woman. Take your time, think it over and I am certain that you will make the right decision - for you!

I can understand the hesitant and afraid part. When you have been with that one person for so long, it is hard to expose yourself...whether physically or emotionally...to someone else. I think I pretty much have my mind made up, but I'm just stalling.

I know - it's so hard, but you seem sooo unhappy! The lying to you raises all kinds of red flags...You should probably talk with your oldest and get his/her take on things. S/he has probably noticed more than you imagine. Talking to the younger 2 will be difficult....Oh, the situations we get ourselves into when we are young. You know that i am always willing to lend a sympathetic ear and offer my humble advice it you want it....Oh, and did I mention that I am kind of an expert at *********** - my wife used to beg me for it all of the time - I guess being married to me she needed a good laugh! Sorry, my kbgloves persona is a hopeless flirt...you know that I'm only trying to make you laugh!

Yes, I know that! lol...and you did...again

Good!

Hug back to ya!

*Hug harder*

Ummm...Squeeze you til ya pop!

*returns the favor* :)

"returns the favor"?? lol...did you read my oral sex story??? Bwahahaa!!!

Yes. I knew exactly what I was saying *wink*

Yeah, I know you did :-P

*sits you on his lap*

Oh, really?

*hugs your tummy while your mind wanders elsewhere*

Thank you :-)