One Step Closer To The Door
Today I almost left him. Not just for the day. For good. It all started last night. It had been a few days without an episode or fight. Some may find that to be an accomplishment and even a sign of encouragement. I see it as a ticking time bomb. Sure enough the one day I get out early he is at the bar(claiming to be stuck in traffic). I keep my cool. I still want him to have a social life. But would it kill him to just for once tell me where he is? So after arriving home two hours late he picks up a bottle of wine and dinner. Fair enough! Looks like a pleasant night in! I was tired anyway so it looks good to me. All week he told me he arranged for his mom to babysit on Saturday and a family fall thing on Sunday. After a speedy dinner with very little conversation I'm informed of two things 1) he is going out for an hour or two 2) he in fact could not get a sitter for Saturday. So he eats and leaves saying "be back soon!" the minute he said it I knew he was lying. So I watched a movie with our son and went to bed. He finally arrives home at 1:30 am. Somewhat intoxicated. I ask him to come to bed so we can have a good weekend. He opts to stay up and says he will listen for our baby. 3:30 am baby wakes up and husband is no where so of course I get up tend to the baby and look for him. He is in the garage with head phones on drinking more. Again I tell him to stop drinking and come to bed. An hour later the baby is up again. Just dropped his stuffed animal. So I go to check on my husband only to find he has drank an entire bottle of vodka, an entire bottle of wine, puked on the sofa, floor, curtains hallway, bathroom and variouse other spots, and his clothes are in the fire place???? My problem with his drinking is that he never just has a couple. He completely looses control. So I wake him. That was a mistake. Thru the night we fight about the drinking again. He basically states that I am a guest in "his" house and if I want to make a thing of his drinking I need to leave. That he will make me regret my decision. Blah blah blah. The next day I try to tell to him. He is not interested. Basically says he would rather get divorced than fix anything in the drinking problem dept. again says I am the one who has to leave and me and the kids "will fit right in at the homeless shelter with all the other rejects". I started packing and he just napped?!? My son kept asking questions. I didn't know what to say. My husband pretended not to hear him. Half way done he says to stop packing. Throws a fit and tosses his own clothes out the window and says "there I left!". So I left anyway for several hours with the kids just to get away. When I came back he was nice and apologetic. It's such a roller coaster. I don't want to leave my home, but I don't want to stay when he drinks. It's like he's two people.