One Step Closer To The Door

Today I almost left him. Not just for the day. For good. It all started last night. It had been a few days without an episode or fight. Some may find that to be an accomplishment and even a sign of encouragement. I see it as a ticking time bomb. Sure enough the one day I get out early he is at the bar(claiming to be stuck in traffic). I keep my cool. I still want him to have a social life. But would it kill him to just for once tell me where he is? So after arriving home two hours late he picks up a bottle of wine and dinner. Fair enough! Looks like a pleasant night in! I was tired anyway so it looks good to me. All week he told me he arranged for his mom to babysit on Saturday and a family fall thing on Sunday. After a speedy dinner with very little conversation I'm informed of two things 1) he is going out for an hour or two 2) he in fact could not get a sitter for Saturday. So he eats and leaves saying "be back soon!" the minute he said it I knew he was lying. So I watched a movie with our son and went to bed. He finally arrives home at 1:30 am. Somewhat intoxicated. I ask him to come to bed so we can have a good weekend. He opts to stay up and says he will listen for our baby. 3:30 am baby wakes up and husband is no where so of course I get up tend to the baby and look for him. He is in the garage with head phones on drinking more. Again I tell him to stop drinking and come to bed. An hour later the baby is up again. Just dropped his stuffed animal. So I go to check on my husband only to find he has drank an entire bottle of vodka, an entire bottle of wine, puked on the sofa, floor, curtains hallway, bathroom and variouse other spots, and his clothes are in the fire place???? My problem with his drinking is that he never just has a couple. He completely looses control. So I wake him. That was a mistake. Thru the night we fight about the drinking again. He basically states that I am a guest in "his" house and if I want to make a thing of his drinking I need to leave. That he will make me regret my decision. Blah blah blah. The next day I try to tell to him. He is not interested. Basically says he would rather get divorced than fix anything in the drinking problem dept. again says I am the one who has to leave and me and the kids "will fit right in at the homeless shelter with all the other rejects". I started packing and he just napped?!? My son kept asking questions. I didn't know what to say. My husband pretended not to hear him. Half way done he says to stop packing. Throws a fit and tosses his own clothes out the window and says "there I left!". So I left anyway for several hours with the kids just to get away. When I came back he was nice and apologetic. It's such a roller coaster. I don't want to leave my home, but I don't want to stay when he drinks. It's like he's two people.
Littledreamer83 Littledreamer83
26-30, F
1 Response Oct 20, 2012

I have been married to an alcoholic for 40 years. There was always an excuse to not leave.
No money, no job skills, the kids needed some kind of Dad, I needed health ins. for us all. He always told me I could take the clothes on our backs and get out. I believed him. I was scared. Went through the puking, hiding liquor ect.ect. The best thing I ever did was go to AlAnon.
Also I did not want to give up my beautiful home and lifestyle. He was a great money machine. Long story short I made a deal with the devil for money and posesions. Regrets are plenty, would I do it better had I understand what I do now, you bet. They are like 2 people but even when they are sober they are a "Dry Drunk"
Watch your back, you never know what they will pull. I'm not worried mine is in the process of a slow death from alcohol. Some day I'll be free.

I'll admit that sometimes I am afraid of him. Half the time he doesn't remember anything he said or did but now just the last month or so he has been saying the mean stuff while sober. Makes me doubt that can't remember. Part of me still wants to believe "he" is in there somewhere. Alanon is a good suggestion.

They never remember what they said. And when they are mean when "sober" that's a dry drunk. Liquor is his medicine and he needs it. For sure you want to remember the great parts of him, that what attracted you to him from the start. And honestly do you want to face the fact you were attracted to this sick person? No, never. You would never lower yourself to choose so lowly. Its a big club of us who were duped into this crazy life style. I can't believe I have not killed myself self by now. The humulation, disapointement, embarressment to myself and my poor kids.. They are mad at me at 30 yr. and 34 yr. for not leaving him. Geez what awful is my spelling. take care . boho

The humiliation is very damaging. It makes me feel like somehow I did something wrong? I know it's not my fault that he is like this. It's not your fault either. My mom was the same way. I ended up leaving home when I was 14 to make a better life for myself. I met my now husband when we were just 17. Maybe that's why they say to wait? You can't really tell if a 17 year old will grow into an adult alcoholic. By time he was 21 we were already together for 4 years and at 22 we had our first child. I sometimes think if I leave he will wake up and change and then be sober for the next wife.

So?....let him be sober for the next wife and he can also suck on the shame of ruining your life while he is with her too. In the meantime go find a fitness addict to date lol (fitness addict was the main type of person I could think of that would actively not want to drink)

P.S. Im sorry to hear of both of your situations and would not have hesitated to kick both their ***** to remind them how much power a drunk really has.

1 More Response