Stay Or Go?

GO!

Very sad. :(. If she's made it clear she refuses to try- walk. You deserve better.

Wow Steed....Im just now reading all of your posts. I find we are so similar in so many ways. I think I wrote many if not all of your exact words through the years Ive dealt with this.

My biggest issue has been the breakup of our family. My wife was reacting out of her own fears and lack of confidence and internal issues. We all do it to some degree but when a married couple react poorly or aggressively or disconnect out of their fears and self worth issues....its a disaster every single time.

I stayed though...Ive been finding self worth apart from anyone or anything else. Ive been called "depressed" by our counselor and by her and by others and in hindsight they are right. i am/was depressed. Ive lost a sense of my integrity and destroyed it when I was cheating. It has yet to be restored but Im working on it.

Ive stayed with her now long enouhg to see her working on her own issues and successfully so. Now Im sad that she is trying so hard and reaching out to me and cries and is so distraught over my eventual leaving that seeing each other is so difficult. I do still have affection and love for her and she is truly an amazing person/woman/mother/friend on so many ways and now she is giving that to me; She has given me confort and kindness and worked hard to save our marraige. In contract and because Ive fallen in love with another woman...i have not done as much for her or our marraige though I am still there for her in every other I can be. I support her....am giving her the house and everything...equity and retirement and paying for her new car and health insurance and cell phone and the mortgage and enough to pay all the other bills while I have little or nothing left for myself. I think I feel guilty for leaving...for falling for another woman.

i cant continue on here today or Ill never leave this computer and I have to go. Ill be back...

just voice your opinions, or stay indifferent. cause i believe u r feeling lost n smothered. leave her, cause by the way she makes you feel, she deserves it. she probably thinks u r timid and a coward, that's why she's so manipulative. and in the end why live with a spouse who makes u feel so low, depressed n frustrated. the point of marriage is the happiness that a couple brings into each others lives. why stay in such a marriage where all that is left is name calling n accusing by ur spouse? why did u get married? because u were in love, because u loved ur times with her, because she made u HAPPY, because she raised ur self worth......but now all that she gives is unhappiness. what's left to salvage ask her this? ask her if ur broken heart can be salvaged?
ITS BETTER TO BE SINGLE AND HAPPY,
RATHER THAN BEING MARRIED AND UNHAPPY.

My friend

RESPECT. Her lack of it for you and your lack of it for yourself. Nothings going to change unless you change it as I'm sure you've read on here. You are more than you display by your writing on this site, but, unless you decide on and maintain your own boundaries she's not going to do a thing and will keep on pushing your buttons. If you feel you are worth more than you get at the moment then you have to establish what is right and proper for you. Don't fuss too much about being fair and reasonable, manipulators will take advantage of that, go with your gut and establish what is 'right' in an adult, loving and caring environment and tell her that's what you need and expect, and stick to it. Don't let it slide she'll most likely keep pushing for her end.........well, that's what you can try at least, if you want to.
But if she's as bad as your words portray you should leave anyway but if you've established your boundaries before you leave, and kept to them, it'll do no end of good for your self esteem as you move forward.
Good luck.

my only advice is to follow your heart and do what you think is best for you.......remember you own yourself

Leave. You need to find yourself and what makes you happy. You're just prolonging the inevitable. Sorry, been there...done that.