Stop Kissing Me - I Cant Breathe.

that's what my husband said to me last night. nice eh? i have no reason to lie, afterall this is one of the most liberating networks i've ever come across (facebook is like a cyber highschool...)

so the day before yesterday i took a picture of my breasts and sent them to my husband, (we used to do that all the time, thought why not ive got a great rack). he texts me back "I'm going to ravage those titts" i was shocked. SHOCKED at the fact that he would even make a comment because he hasnt shown any interest in stuff like that since we got married. so i text back "good lord, please be gentle" he texts back "i may have to bite" i'm like ok this is leading to something fun tonight. keeping my expectations in check. i took my kids for a hike with the dog and when i got home i was actually shy around him, a bit nervous of our converstaion..cute right? lol anyways, so we get the evenng over with and i go upstairs - he is dead asleep snoring away and its only 8pm. i was a bit disappointed but realized that he had been at work since 430am. i get it. i'm not a completely selfish person.

Yesterday, i was somewhat expecting the same type of sexual engery from him as the day before. nope- completely cold, unattentive, distant...im like ok...i'll just go about my day. Last night, we went to our neighbours for some Christmas fun and games. we had a great time playing the game and laughing enjoying some drinks,at 830 he took the kids home and i came home shortly there after. It's 1130pm, i go up and figured - i'll take this opportunity to maybe start something since we were both in great moods...so i start to kiss him and play with his belt buckle...and as this is happening he takes his left arm and literally shoves me away and says "stop kissing me i can't breathe" WTF- i'm kissing your neck, not your lips....i'm kissing your chin and your chest...really?

IF you've read my previous shared story, you have a good insight as to what our relationship is like. where my mind is with all of this, and why i am sharing this with you all. this isnt a blue moon occurance, this happens frequently to the point where i'm really giving up even trying anymore. I've never met a man to turn down sex, let alone a BJ or some fooling around...even when he's going to be the one receiving it. Sit back relax, i'll do the work...i get turned down.its been 6 weeks!! i just can't do that. Am I Missing Something?
browneyeblues browneyeblues
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

I can't fault you for trying for sure. It sounds like you are/have been doing everything possible. I tried to send you a message with a few other ideas but it won't let me unless I am your friend. I'd be more than happy to share more with you if you choose.
I wish you all the best and am praying for you.
Cindy

I'm really sad this is happening to you. I can't tell you what to do, but I can share with you what I did in a similar situation. (and just to be clear, cheating is not what I did)
First I need to say, at least you are still getting some attention from your texts and photo sharing, that's good news, however, you may want to be careful there, he may not be alone when your texts arrive and he may just be playing a part so his friends/co-workers don't catch on to what he is really like. And weather you believe it or not, he may not be the only one seeing your photos and texts. I say this just so you are aware, not to scare you or put him down, but it may be true.
Now, my story in short form. When I was feeling alone and "he" wasn't paying attention any more and the sex was down to almost non existent, a friend of mine suggested ************. I said I already do. She said, ya I know, but you always do it alone. Dress yourself up nicely like you would for him, and if he pays no attention to you or your advances, then seduce yourself. if he is not interested in you, show him you are still interested in yourself and your sexuality. She told me to go ahead and ********** right there in bed beside him. I had a difficult time, at first. What I did was set it up so he would catch me ************. After dinner and trying to get him to engage, with no results, I would head upstairs on my own before him and then seduce myself and lay down and **********. I would get myself going and then just hold myself there and listen for him coming up to bed, then I would really get at it and try and be having an ****** as he walked into the bedroom. More often than not I wasn't quite there and he would watch as I finished. It took awhile, he had some comments, not all good, but I just ignored the nasty ones, and always continued to finish. His comments were a segway to conversation. I told him that just because he wasn't interested in me, that did not mean I didn't have needs and wants. I really started to get into it. I would dress in all kinds of different ways to satisfy my fantasy for that night and then seduce myself, taking my time, and by this time I didn't rush upstairs ahead of him, I let him watch the entire seduction. He eventually became interested again, especially with some role play.
Of coarse it didn't last with me (although we did have some good conversations and some sex and found out what each other was interested in), but that's not saying it wont work completely for you. At the very least it will show him that you are still a very sexy, seductive woman and are still interested in your sexuality and being pleased. And you will be getting the release you desperately deserve and need even if it is from yourself.
It is not something that is easy to do, but if you really want to try and salvage what you have, one needs to be willing to take a few risks and show your partner he matters and that you matter as well. You may be surprised with the results.
I know he will comment, and if you can turn them comments into constructive conversation, then you are well on your way to resolution.
I hope this is at least a little helpful to you.
Cindy

Cindy - thanks for sharing your experience with me so openly and honestly. i really appreciate it. I literally have done EVERYTHING you could imagine. I'm very comfortable in my sexuality, it wasn't until our marriage where my comfortablity and confidence began to sink. On my own, heck there isnt a night when i'm not pleasing my needs, regardless if he is home, next to me sleeping or gone...it doesn't matter. he doesn't respond - even when i'm pleasing myself and throughly enjoying it...buddy is snoring away with his back to me. I've dressed up, dressed down, ********, served beers as his personal "beer girl" wearing nothing but a sexy bra and peekaboo skirt...the results are the same. i draw him a bath pour him a whisky put some frank sinatra on and massages (i have MT training) and even then not so much as kiss on the cheek. nothing. ive taken my risks, i've shown how much he means to me and that this life we have created is everything to me...but its really gotten to the point where i'm not a door mat, i have respect for myself and i'm done feeling humiliated and rejected. as i said, ive used my vibrators, my toys etc and still no reaction...its really just pathetic that i have to jump through hoops to get some intimacy but only on his terms.
again, i truly appreciate your honesty and suggestions. you have some insighful thoughts to this matter.

Just curious but if he snores and is tired a lot maybe he has sleep apnea... Thus my next question is does he suffer from any form of impotence. Does not have to mean all the time does he ever have problems getting it up. If so their might be a confidence issue or fear of performing on command. Does he only do it when he is in the mood? Sorry if this is too personal... He has me baffled i love a great rack :-) I'm wanting pics now lol...