My Wife Is Narsassistic

I have been married for only 4 months and am terribly unhappy in my marriage.
I have done some research on typical characteristics of narsassistic people and my wife fits the bill perfectly. I am constantly in trouble for everything from not making the bed correctly to not cutting the salad up the right way. Our sex life is boring and of course it's my fault that it is. We are trying to start a family but I'm secretly hoping we don't so I don't have to stay with her for our child. If I leave I want to be able to easily.
Her temper is so unpredictable and I am constantly checking what I say so I don't set her off. Anger is her default emotion and as soon as something doesn't go to plan she naturally gets angry and takes it out on me. I have called her out on her anger before but nothing ever changes.
I have seen her heaps of times message other people and then delete the messages straight away so I can't see them. I don't know who it is but it seems very secretive to delete them straight away. It's obviously something not for my eyes.
I'm positive I now have depression and never sleep well at night because of the horrible thoughts that go through my head. I want to leave and leave all the drama behind me but then I will have so many family members all asking why my marriage fell apart within 4 months. It's constantly embarrassing having to make excuses for her bad mood towards others, and she wants nothing to do with my family. She thinks she has never met people like them. It hurts to hear someone say stuff like about your family. I have no friends as she make life difficult when I tried to see them. I had close friends that were female and my wife didn't say I can't see them, but made it so impossibly difficult for me to do so that I can't see them anymore.
I know it sounds like rambling but I just need to get it off my chest.

Many thanks
Mp1000 Mp1000
22-25, M
7 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Run . A true narsassist cannot be helped . You researched and if she fits the bill then you realize what devaluing and the silent treatment are too a narsassist . One almost killed me and controlled every aspect of my life for years . I kept allowing it bc I felt to tired to fight so I became dependant on her totally as my freedom shrunk ,

How this can feel like that after about 16 weeks? Has she changed right after marriage?

That's like my story, but I'm a woman. My husband makes it extremely hard for me to see my friends, he is so jealous, he pushes away anyone who I'm close to. He's even fell out with sister, and makes me feel disloyal if I go to see her? Insane I know. I'm fed up of making excuses for his bad behaviour towards people. He can only hide behind his dad's treatment to him when he was young, for so long. After all he's an adult now.

You married her for a reason, recapture your vows. Many times undue anger is projection of ones unhappiness. She may have intimacy issues and doesn't know how to accept being loved. Underneath may be a hurting child with unresolved issues. Therapy is a good place to start. Someone to mediate the situation . No one wants to feel like a doormat or be in an emotional prison, but many times lack of communicating is the culprit. Before you throw in the towel, exhaust your resources . But in all honesty, be true to thyself. There you will find your peace, no one is living your life but you, and you are the only one that can write your life's script. Good luck

You already know what you need to do. Just do it. Run screaming. Screw what other people think. Be honest if you get questioned. It's also quite possible this person is a sociopath and you have no value to her whatsoever other than as a means to reach some specific goal. Having met that goal... Whatever it is... Possibly nothing more than making a baby... you will be of no further use and things will REALLY start to suck, even compared to now.

Prior to your marriage did she praise you and almost bombard you with love etc , Did she make you feel like the luckiest man in the world that you wondered what you did do deserve such a wonderful woman . Did she sweep you off your feet in a short time and seem to know you better than yourself ? Those are all classic ways a person with narcissistic personality disorder operates then after they use what they need from you they begin to devalue you !
Are you the victim of the silent treatment ? If you are fairly certIn she is a narsassist run for your life and don y look back, She cannot be helped bc she is empty and will destroy you , I can go on but 6 years with one almost destroyed me and I still long for the time she was my perfect "other me "As she would say . Our sex was always perfect since many narsassists are highly sexual or use it to obtain what they want . They are actors that study you and become exactly what you want to lure you then exhaust you and throw you to the curb . Mine even told me she could be anything I wanted and in the beginning it was good , almost too good to be true which it was not . She will always view you as her possession . Run bc she cannot be helped ! They are vsmpires , sorry for spelling and mistakes in grammer it is late and I am tired . I can assure you she has other s she is manipulating for her needs . Goggle silent treatment .. They are masters !

Get out BEFORE you get her pregnant!

Get out well you still can. I don't want to write a novel here so I will be quick. There are better people out there than this woman and life is too short. My mother once told me during my first marriage that it says in the Bible that " it is better for a man to live in the attic of a house than to live with a contentious woman. I agree, and I found out the hard way twice and had children that messed up the situation too. If you are losing your faith in Love than get out. Find someone who will treat you right. Keep your standard. Once you have lost your faith in love than the damage is done and is hard to get undone.