Marriage Issues

Hello,
new to the site - marriage isn't going particularly well so thought I would share my experience.
I have been married to my wife for over 3 years, together in total for 7 years. We have a son who is coming up to 2 this year. Since our son has been born, it's been the usual chaos of a household with a toddler. In that aspect, we have been coping relatively well. However, in our aspects our relationship is not going great.
For me, this all started before our son was born. Both my wife and I have always been 'jeans and t-shirt' kind of people - not going to get overly dressed up but at the same time, keep a good check on health and fitness etc.
When I first met my wife, I had no real issues about her appearance, why would I really, she was attractive and seemed to make the effort to look attractive.
However, I first started to notice a slow downhill when we moved in together. The first obvious sign was the face waxing - or lack of it! This is something I have never ever noticed previously but all of a sudden it was obvious she was not doing much about it.
She would eventually sort things out but after some time. However, things progressed downhill in that area when I felt I had no option but to intervene and remind her that she needed to get her waxing done. This is an embarrassing subject to bring up and makes me feel very uncomfortable but when things are very obvious and unattractive, something has to be said.
So over the last 4 years this has continued to be the case - I have had to remind her constantly to go get things done - she eventually drags herself off to the spa place. I have bought her nice spa treatments - as a way of saying thank-you for getting this done and have also paid for treatments but nothing ever seems to register in her brain.
It seems she is incapable of realising this look affects her attractiveness and quite frankly makes me feel a bit embarrassed about her appearance.

So I am over-reacting to a lack of waxing..Ok, in addition to this, she has gained some weight over the years and seems very reluctant to go on a proper exercise routine - she is the member of an exclusive gym yet goes sporadically. I do not have the membership as we cannot afford two memberships. Does she feel grateful that she has this membership, not in anyway.
Other aspects of her appearance - she used to colour her hair, that stopped. She then started to complain about her grey hairs! So we bought some hair colourant and I offered to do this for her. But every time I mentioned it, it would be : i'm too tired now, tomorrow, the weekend...I literally had to say, right, let's get this done now!

To add to all this, she frustrates me with her lack of tidiness around the house. When she looks after our son, the kitchen is a disaster, the house is a disaster. Now of course, looking after a toddler is tough yet when I look after my son, I manage to clean the kitchen whilst he plays, at least I try to keep the place tidy.
When she gets home from work, it's jacket thrown over the sofa, shoes thrown anywhere...we have a coat stand but does she use it...no!

I think one of the most frustrating things is that she doesn't want to make the effort. none of us are perfect and god knows we all have faults but surely it's all about the effort or the attempt.
My wife knows I do not like facial hair on women (which male does!!!) yet doesn't do anything about it without me prompting her. For me it seems she doesn't care what I think, how she looks, how she presents herself the public.
She seems to have no inclination to improve her appearance in anyway.

When she does finally get to the spa, I am a fairly happy chap for 4-6 weeks...then the cycle begins....with me having to build up for another conversation....

Naturally, this has left a pretty sex-less marriage - I mean, if there is not attempt to make yourself look attractive, there are hardly going to be any sparks in the bedroom.

I guess alot of this could be attributed to our son arriving but it seems to have a been slow gradual decline every since we moved in together, further declines after marriage and off the cliff with our son now here!!

It's very difficult to talk to my wife about this - i'm a typical male and generally hopeless. She gets very defensive and deflects the blame/issues to me.

I've read countless other stories about spouses not bothering about the appearances..so thought I would yet another to the 800 million stories out there....

thanks for reading!

An Ep User An EP User
Jan 9, 2013