I Have A Child With A Man Who Does Not Respect Me

We were together for only a few months, and things were going well, then I found I was pregnant. I really had a tough time of this, but all the while he was very supportive, telling me how much he loved me, etc. I had an abortion years back and didn't want to go through that again, so we decided to have a baby. The second I started showing, he changed, he was really jealous of my platonic friends and we moved, and he told me he mainly wanted to move because of my best friend, who happened to be male. The night we moved he yelled at me on the street because I was helping to pack the car but he wanted to do it. I became frightened of the man I thought I knew. Three weeks after our baby was born, he went back to the city and met up with an ex girlfriend he has lied about several times to me in the past. I had no problem with him keeping female friends. I just had a problem about him feeling the need to lie about it. He works PART time at a coffee house and complains and moans about it every other day, like he has the most stressful job on the planet. He comes home and throws his dirty laundry everywhere, dirties dishes, goes to work in his garage, and relieves me of parenthood for 45 min a day if i'm lucky.
Okay, enough complaining. I guess the hardest thing for me is learning to take the higher road in so far and compassion and understanding, and letting time heal wounds. He was really awful to me while pregnant (he wouldn't even rub my back during labor), and I really resent him, and now I feel like my heart is hardening and I'm starting to really hate men. It's so hard, because I want to give him a chance to grow and learn (as he has had a tough lot in life), and I don't want to give up right away (as there has been improvement, and at times he is the most humble man I have ever met). I just feel so lost and isolated, cut off from the world. My baby is now 8 months, and I went from traveling the world, studying, working, being independent, farming, living, socializing, being around people who liked me, to all of a sudden being a prisoner. He talks disrespectfully about women and me, and trying to get a reaction out of me daily. After all this, you would think it is quite clear that I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and say "Oh hell no!" and I am ready to. The only thing is, I have no money. My dad offered to help me, but his help comes with strings attached, he is very controlling and dominating, and I can't answer to him. Oh, I always told myself I wouldn't let this happen to me, and now I find myself at the mercy of the disrespectful men around me. I'm devastated, depressed and trying so hard to be a good mom and not let my daughter see me going through this. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, I just need support.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 11, 2013