I am just beyond sad. I have been married for a year and my husband had an emotional affair with someone for most of that year. Not to mention he's just the type to become self-destruct when times get tough. He's going to counseling and so am I, but I don't know if the damage has been done. Just feel alone in my marriage.
caradeluna caradeluna
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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This is a time when you really need to consider things. There absolutely Is no easy solution. Your first question to ask yourself Ight be "am I happier/better off with or without him?" That is your first and most important question. Only you can answer that. Use your head and your heart

Thank you! Sadly, at this point I think I'm happier without him. Just makes me so sad because we had plans. The love is still there, but I need more. I need to trust him. I need to feel like my needs are being met. I don't feel he's capable of it right now. I want to wait for him, but I'm compromising my happiness in the process.

Please don't think me to be "defending" either of you but is it possible that neither of you is especially good at expressing your emotions and feelings. Are you both (and the key word here is BOTH) able to express and comprehend, your feelings without judgement? Are both of you able to discuss this without the use of "emotional blackmail"? I am really not trying to interfere, I just feel sad when people "drift apart" to the point of no return

Oh gosh! I'm not offended or upset about your reply. I'm relieved that someone wants to help me make sense of this. I'm sure I have things to work on as far as communication, but I do feel I'm a bit more open minded than he is. He goes into an adolescent stage when he gets upset. If you have teenagers you know there's not getting through. I need a husband, not a teenager. But I keep doing my best and try and get better every day.

I'm very sorry that it's taken this long for me to respond. I believe that I understand what your Husbands "Adolescent stage" may be like. This is a symptom of his lack of emotional maturity (ie he hasnt learned to deal with certain issues). And this is an area in which you are going to have to cut each other some slack. I'm not defending either his or your actions and thoughts. He needs to develop strategies (innate or concious) to deal with things he finds difficult to even consider). And you are going to absolutely need to consider if you are going to be able to assist him in discovering these new things. This is simply an observation, but, I might think that he was brought up in a very conservative family (ie it's best not to discuss certain things because they might involve emotion). This is going to be a very long road and there may be certain "bumps" but if you are resolute then your Marriage may be even better than you dream. Good luck!

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I'm sorry you feel so alone. I have been there in my marriage too, but I had to learn that happiness comes from within. Counseling helped me a lot, I hope you can find a place of peace.

Thank you! I started goon to CODA meetings last week. I'm willing to try anything.

What is CODA?

Co-dependents Anonymous