Am I a Wife Or a Maid?
My husband and I have been married for almost two years but have been together for almost five. Lately, I feel as though I'm more of a maid or caretaker than his wife. I do the laundry (wash, dry, fold and hang), the dishes, the cooking, ALL of the cleaning, empty the cat litter, collect the trash, take the trash out, pay all the bills and take care of our baby. I expect him to take the trash the curb, (as I've already collected it and placed in the garbage can) and mow the lawn. The grass is now up to my knees and the garbage is lucky to be taken to the curb twice a month when it should go once a week. After spending my day doing laundry, cleaning up the house, cooking dinner, and loading the dishwasher I asked my husband to wash the 4 pots and pans that were left over from dinner and he rolled his eyes at me. I must admit at that moment I wanted to claw his eyeballs out! I know it sounds petty but it seems that years of built up anger and resentment had suddenly come to the surface with that one childish reaction. When I tried to explain to him why I was upset, that I found it disrespectful and hurtful, he turned on his usual charm and tried to make me the bad guy. I was "over reacting" and "what's the big deal". When I told him I wanted him to understand why I was upset, that I do a lot around here and I've come to terms with that and I only really expect him to mow the lawn and take out the trash, he got even madder. He says "so basically you think I'm lazy and don't do enough around here and you think I should feel guilty for rolling my eyes. " Now up until this point I have maintained my composure, I have not raised my voice, I haven't used bad language, I've said all of this in a calm, rational manner...that time was over. I said, "I never said that, all I said was you need to understand why I'm upset, what I could have said was Your a lazy SOB that comes home to eat, sleep, and play your video games while I take care of everything"!
I don't know what to do, I feel trapped! I do love him, but he is hard to like sometimes. I feel as though he takes me for granted. This is my husband's second marriage, he was married right out of college and moved in with me (as friends) while he was getting divorced. I feel as though he's never really had to be a grown-up. His parents took care of him (for the most part) in college and then his first wife, who was a stay-at-home wife (I have a full-time job), did everything for him and now I am too. I have too much pride in my home to let it go just to "see if he will do something".
I love my husband, but I don't like him. I'm extremely resentful and I keep bottling up my feelings because I hate arguing with him as he just turns it around and makes me feel guilty and I end up apologizing. I'm at a loss--I'm sad most of the time and I'm extremely tired both physically and emotionally. I don't think he's going to change and I don't know what to do -- I deserve better.