I Get No Affection From My Husband.
I have been married for about a year and a half, been together four years. When my husband and I were dating, he was affectionate. Once we started living together after about six or seven months, he became less and less affectionate quickly. Now his expressions of affection are so rare, it startles me when he touches me at all. I am an affectionate person and I have expressed to him several times that I would like for him to be more affectionate with me. He always has some kind of excuse like he's always stressed because of his job, or he doesn't feel comfortable showing affection to me in front of his daughter, or he doesn't feel well. It's always something. Now he has a back injury; he has chronic pain and takes pain medication, so he says that with the medication, his thinking is so clouded he just doesn't think of it. However, his thinking is clear enough to play complicated video games, read tons of books, and watch movies. I can understand that having sex (which we have about once month now) is painful for him, and I have accepted that. I'm not mad about that at all (although I sure do miss it). I can't help but feel that if you are in love with someone, you would naturally be affectionate at least a few times a week. And I'm talking about simple things like hugging, a little caress on the arm, a squeeze of my hand. At one time about a year into our relationship, I started to feel strongly that his lack of affection was a definite red flag that he wasn't in love with me anymore (the suspicion that, with him being a single father, he was just interested in finding a mother for his daughter did cross my mind). But when I talked with him about it, he was very offended that I would imply that he doesn't love me. He said that I should just know that he does without having to have any affection. I have a friend who told me that she believes that people express love differently, which is certainly true, and that some people can love someone deeply, but not ever express affection. I don't know, I just find that really hard to believe. I realize that I can just ask him again from time to time to at least try to express some affection. But what I keep thinking is that, he doesn't show affection because he's not really in love with me, and I can't make someone love me. I would really like to hear what other people's opinions are about this.