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Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes! Time to Face the Strange....

A typical gray, misty late November in Europe...i met a particularly handsome man.  We had two dates before things went between the sheets...i was intrigued by his accent, and his undivided attention on...ME.  Things went fast - - but i felt so safe, and i was 3 years shy of 30, so tired of the "meat market" of a dating scene and being alone...

I honestly don't remember who it was that asked who to get married.  Most likely it was i who brought it up.  He thought i wasn't that serious at first, but soon, as in 6 months later, there we were at the courthouse.  My family flew out, a few of his co-workers and our mutual friends were there with us as we signed the paperwork that was our marital bond.

We lived abroad for three more years - and finally settled back in the US, near my hometown.  Five years since we were married, and my boobs started hurting...and i couldn't seem to stomach the smell of roasted turkey in Mom's kitchen.  "Uh Oh!!" Mom said...she knew it before i did.  Yep, pregnant.  Guess i'm Fertile Myrtle - i swear i only missed taking the pill for about 7 days. But i gu`ess practice was over and

Signed, sealed, i delivered 9 months later.  There we were, the 3 of us and the dogs in our lil house in the country.  We both had plenty of nurturing to give our baby...i breast-fed for a little over a year, and he took pictures and recorded short films.  We were sure to watch every little moment with smiling parent eyes. 

Things began to get tough financially.  We both had to work so the mortgage could be met. After 2 and a half years of stocking shelves in a retail store, the husband finally landed a job in his skillset.  Maternity leave was over, so back to the office for me.  There was the spending of funds we didn't have - and the debt continued to weigh around our necks. 

The toddler years started giving me a little more autonomy - and since before i left home for boot camp i hadn't settled into a steady social circle. I had the urge to connect once again to others, make some new friends.   But I'd gained an extra 50 pounds in weight - waay too much.  I wanted to get fit again and goto the gym.   Problem is, he did not want to do any of those things, let alone watch me do them.  He became more and more objectionable, grumpy, one complaint after another.    We were sleeping thru the night on opposite sides of the bed anymore...that's when i started to notice it.  The husband seemed to have taken on an entirely different demeanor.  He was edgy, and seemed a whole lot more needy than before.  We began to argue about his needs as a man...and my lack of interest in sex.  I tried to explain to him that, not only did i feel not so attractive, but i was just drained by the end of the day. I needed to get back to the way it used to be...but the feelings just never seemed to go away.

I needed some emotional support, some niceties in the form of thoughtfulness...just a little patience and empathy; but all i got was balking and sulking.  It seemed as if annoying me and getting a rise out of me was his idea of fun, foreplay even.  Every little thing he did began to go against my feelings...I'd grown incredibly intolerant of the whole spiel when i'd be emptying out the sink of dirty dishes and he make a be-line for my boobs, goping me because my hands were in occupied.  The first time he did it, i was very uncomfortable and i asked him to- honey please- do not do that.  Did that work?  Of course not.  Time and time again he'd grope me, and i'd remind him that i was not amused or impressed - even upset by it, so STOP DOING IT.  To this very day he has continued that behaviour despite my pleading; and at this point he's lucky i don't turn around and meet his uninvited paws with a heat butt and a heel stop to the shin. 

Wtf?! Where was our communication breakdown?  How did it come to be that i was becoming so antagonistic when it came to my husband?

(wow -to be continued-)

 

iymjustagirl iymjustagirl 36-40, F Sep 21, 2009

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