I Am Married But Have Never Felt So Alone....it May Be Over.

I have been with my husband for 5 years or so and things have become progressively worse.

I have been to counselling and tried getting my husband there but he is resistant. He was diagnosed with depression last year but only agreed last week to take medication when I told him he had to get help or it is over.

I understand depression (I was hospitalised in my teens and take medication myself to control relapse).  So I am very understanding and was the one who got him the help.

He just rejects me and blames me for how he is saying 'I make him this way'. He is a farmer and his farm has failed and we have to sell everything so we don't go bankrupt. I know this is a stressful time and have been there for him - he just can't see it and is cruel to me. He wants to manage his parents farm and is doing all the farm work on it, so he still has lots of work to do. He created a budget for his parents farm that was totally wrong and I asked him to run it by our advisor (because I knew it was wrong but can't tell him that - he would give me silent treatment for a week).

He cracked it and whined about how I always criticise him and he may as well do nothing and how hard life is!???? I know he's depressed about his workload and losing his land. He is cold to me, won't even sit next to me. He complained again this morning about the farm work and I said 'Why not just give it away? Life is too short for us to be this miserable'.  The farm is like a cancer taking over the entire family.

This morning I asked him to leave.

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3 Responses Feb 12, 2010

Oh, my heart goes to you. I am in a similar situation. My depressed husband refuses to take medication fior his depression. Instead, I get a lot of emotional abuse and he beaks things and makes messes that I then haveto clean up. It has affected me t=so badly, that I went to the doctor and now am constrantly medicated so that I can try and be calm whilst I think my way out of this horrible mess of a marriage I am in. My husband does a lot of work for people for free, he could charge, but his low self-esteem is stopping him. But I am not the reason for his low self-esteem. I should not be punished for his depression. I keep asking him to go to the doctor and get medication because his behavior is increasingly erratic.

I envy you so much. I wish I could afford to leave mine. I would be asked for alimony and I am responsible for a bebt he incurred. I am trying to be strong until I figure a way out. Unless mine gets help, he will be a useless good-for-nothing forever.

So now I am constantly medicated and never happy. People think I am happily married, but it is all a charade. My family live too far away, otherwise I would have left a long time ago. I am just biding my time and seeing how this will play out. But it's so hard.

Yes, I also understand what you are going thru and I am proud of you that you put a stop to it after 5 years. I however was so silly and naive to let it ride for 40 years. But, I plucked up the courage to also tell him to leave. I am lonely yes, but I have peace around me now. No more screaming and shouting, no more getting blamed for everything that goes wrong in everyones lives. Even getting blamed for doing the washing over the weekend instead of going out. Now just what am I suppose to do if I work the whole week? You did the right thing. The silent treatment when they don't get their way is the pitts. You did good. You can still make a new life for yourself so go for it girl. I wish you all the good luck you deserve for the future.

I hear you, my situation is not far off of yours I have been in the same relationship for 12 years and my guy is a seasonal worker and has nothing better to do than complain about how life sucks. And all we do is argue and I can't take it anymore, i would rather be alone than miserable. I am currently looking for a place for me and my kids