I Can Relate

I have 2 unsuccessful relationships that graced me with children and then I met my current man. He was in the middle of a divorce at the time we met...little did I know , that relationship-with his ex- would never end. We have been together 8 years now and it is worse between us all the time. He acts as though I matter to him and thinks that doing normal things a man would do for his girl are plenty and show me he cares. but I want to be loved-like I matter -not "the best I can do" .

For example -he has had several people live with him in the past 8 years including the ex...He asked me to move in twice and then backed out.

Despite the fact I have been struggling just to make ends meet the entire time.Last December -after I had lost my job for 4 months and had no success getting another -about to live in the street-he suggests I move in- rent free , in his basement. With my 2 children. He will live upstairs and we will share the middle part of the house while I am sleeping downstairs.

He thinks I should be happy and feel loved by this gesture.

Meanwhile he carries on his helpful ways with the ex and anyone else he chooses-while our relationship suffers.

I get -I can not believe you feel this way after all I am doing to help you?

I say- if you love someone you do not say that-period.

He ignores me every Valentines Day because that is the day his divorce went thru. This makes me feel as though he is not over her or why would he need to make me unhappy and hurt-because this is his divorce day?

This year was worse as he picked a fight with me the day before and then calls me from upstairs to say-lets go out anyway even though nothing has been resolved- nice gesture but I am still hurt-then he brings up how his ex is going into the hospital and he needs to go -to help out-she is having a nervous breakdown- and leaves me-I am sad and can not leave my bed

He comes home and says he is hungry I should get up and go with him and the kids to get food- I am too depressed to move-sad, hurt and unhappy. He has nothing for me nor does he say happy Valentines day-nothing

He does say he is not in love with me but loves me- and I am supposed to feel good inside about this- he says he is not ready to end things and I am supposed to feel good about this he says he wants to try something new and try to get to know me better- and I say I am hurt you ignore me and go help the ex on Valentines day This hurts me- he says he tried to get me to go out- I say- this is crap

Anyway today neither of us speaks -so far I am sure inside he can not love me or he would not hurt me this way

It is so painful being my age, out of a job and no prospects and have my family live in the home of a man I love but it is obvious his heart is not in it.

I have been kidding myself-but yesterday had a brutal wakeup call

I have been alone over and over every year on most important dates and he ignores me yet claims to care for me.

: ( sucks

 

jazzanna jazzanna
46-50, F
Feb 15, 2010