Sad And Confused

I think about breaking up with my boyfriend of three years. there have been many times over the past few years that I've thought about it. We never had the 'fireworks' but I've had the crazy kinda love before that was not returned and was with horrible guys-i realise that only in retrospect.  So I don't think fireworks and butterflys in your tummy is not everything. My boyfriend and I get on well, never ever fought or disagreed up until the past few months.

Since I finished my degree in May I've been staying at his parents house in the middle of nowhere. Our plan was to move into town together once i find a job but that never happened so I have been having a very boring summer.

I don't do anything and neither does he. he goes to the pub just about every day. sumtimes we get up, go to pub, come back and eat his mom's dinner then we go back to the pub til closing time. it's put me off drinking. it's not even a fun pub, it's just boring. i sumtimes bring a book to read.

Also i've no interest in sex anymore. even wen i try i don't get wet... i do wonder if it's medical, maybe a side effect of tablets i'm on but am to shy or too lazy to go to a doctor.

he is despite how it sounds a very, very nice person and he is madly in love with me. he writes me beautiful love poems and is always so good to me etc. I feel guilty and sad. I want to love him.

I am so confused. My whole life situation is confusing and crappy at the moment- not sure what I want to do and there are so little jobs in the country anyway. Also I've fallen out with my family and don't have any friends that I'm in regular contact with anymore. I resent that he is the one and only person that i speak to, that's there for me, that I've spent practically every second with for the past three months. I don't know if I'm mad with and unhappy with my current situation and am taking it out on him or not... I don't know.

We often talk about getting married, having children and I'm not being insincere at all when we do this. I can imagine marrying him and having a baby. he's be a perfect dad and husband.

Overall he is boring and holds me back from getting out there and living.

i am so confused. :(

DaisyRad DaisyRad
18-21, F
Aug 2, 2010