Unlikeable Musings...

This morning an adjectiive creeped into my head - unlikeable.

We all experience feelings of lonliness and inadequecy at some point, I suppose it's part of the human condition.  I haven't been connecting with people on a meaningful level lately and in questioning why, the thought stealed into my head...  Am I simply unlikeable?

That's actually a really tough question to stop and consider and if I'm brutally honest, I think the answer is - yes.

I can play the game of life and play it well.  It's easy to put on a mask and go be gregarious and social.  Talk about the things you're supposed to, pretend you give a **** about whatever's going on with the world.  When I'm like this I'm considered to be likeable, but it's not the true me.

I could have a zillion aqauintences, be considered a social likeable success, but do these people really care about you?  Are they going to be there when the chips are down?  Will they wait around for you when life has thrown you horrible obstacles and their lives are roaring along swimmingly?  Will they stand by you? 

No, they won't.  At least they certainly haven't for me.

I can't change the core of my being, my brain chemistry.  I can be as chipper and normal as you please but if it's all just a charade, what is the point?  If I'm unlikeable, I'm unlikeable.

So I googled the word unlikeable and came to this page, I didn't even know this site existed.   Idecided to post just for the heck of it.  Wondering if anyone out there ever feels the same way.  If so, I think we should start an unlikeable club and to hell with all those likeable people!

gypway gypway
5 Responses Jul 24, 2010

Heyyy!!! What happened to the" Unlikeables Club"??? Did you guys pick up and move without anyone inviting me?! ;-)

i can completely relate to your story. I, too, feel very unlikeable and have done many of the same things you have to cope. i googled 'unlikeable' just like you and found this site.<br />
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i'm so lonely. I have this big circle of friends here in the same town, but they all seem to have dinners, parties and weekend trips that don't include me or my husband. it's endlessly frustrating in this age of social media, where i can see posts and photos of all my supposed friends at things without me. <br />
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i don't know what i'm doing wrong or how i can change my situation. i feel as though i try very hard to be conversational,friendly, inquisitive, interested and polite. i do have a few women friends who seem to get along very well with each other and have grown closer around (or outside) of me. sometimes i wonder if they (as some women tend to be) happy to have one person in a group to collectively lord over. like a back-to-high-school click type of thing.<br />
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also, when i meet new people that are in this extended circle, i almost feel like they've already heard something about me that's making it harder for me to connect. am I paranoid? I really don't know anymore.<br />
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All I know is that I am desperate for friendship and acceptance by the women in my life.

If there is a group for unlikeable people, please tell me how to join. I've always known I was different but it gets more and more lonely and nobody seems to understand. Your story was like reading my own mind.

Wow our stories are very similar.

Wow our stories are very similar.

Don't feel alone in your plight. I feel unlikeable often. I think I'm rejected because I'm from a different background, i.e., culture, than most people since my family was dysfunctional and anti-social. My father abused us verbally and demanded perfection. We did not learn that it was ok to make mistakes. He had been routinely beaten badly as a child (as were his siblings) and grew-up to continue the cycle. He was a workaholic loner. My mother was a kind, but scared person who had no friends. Her family were her only friends. We (there were 4 of us) did not learn how to socialize. I find that people really like me at first and then drop me after awhile, never telling me why. I had a horrible time understanding this when I was in high school. Having no self-esteem, I took it to heart and it devastated me. Over the years I have gone to psychologists and have hired life coaches to tell me what I was doing wrong. I learned to smile more, to act animated, to be on time, to speak louder, and to change from subject to subject quickly. It helped a lot but I still get bad results more than good ones. I think I may "look" at people in a disapproving way or I may have a "tone" of voice that is disapproving. I also may say opinionated things. I think I might seem judgmental and shy at the same time. I really could use more feedback on what I'm doing wrong so I can continue to improve.

This sounds like me - being liked at first and then dropped over time. And some of the reasons you suggest sound like what I've thought as well. Feels good to see someone else that shares my experience, even if it's a bad experience.