Five Years Single And Still Counting...

I think I've always known since I was very young that the nagging feeling I had from way back then was a sign.  That sign was that I was going to become what most women fear; an old maid, a spinster, whatever you want to call it. I will be 38 in two weeks, no children, never been married and my last relationship was five years ago. I have only been intimate with one other person and that was almost two years ago. (Although that was just a casual encounter) From a young age I've always noticed that my popularity among the boys was lower than a street curb. Growing up with weight issues I have always found it challenging for someone like me to meet men who would accept me the way I look. I tend to avoid making eye contact with nice looking men because I don't want to deal with them not admiring me back. I walk through the streets of NYC and it seems like everyone is hand in hand with someone except for me. Even my ex has found love although I am happy for him since I am the one who broke off the relationship. Still I can't help but to feel that I'm being punished somehow for letting go of someone I had fallen out of love with. I refused to be those women who would lie and cheat on him with another man. Still, once I let him go I was prepared to face a very lonely future. So far that has been the case. I'm not sure if it is my destiny to be alone the rest of my life or if I'm just not putting myself out there enough. At the end of the day I don't want to lie to myself if love is not in the cards for me. I hate being delusional or desperate and that i
SpynsterBlues SpynsterBlues
36-40
1 Response May 22, 2012

Thank you for reading my post and commenting. I appreciate the advice and honesty. I don't really see myself breaking out of my shell unless I lose weight (now there's an idea! LOL!) However easier said than done! Nice to get a man's point of view on this.