Everything's draining the life out of me. Soooo much work, so many complications, my body is exhausting itself trying to fight off every piece of **** that flies at it, and my mind is trying to process every bit of work that is left to do. Yet with so much still left to do, I'm slowly slipping farther and farther into not getting it done. I simply am losing care for it.

I can't handle it anymore... I am dying for the Christmas break. I'd probably be fine if it weren't for the fatigue... but my body has it's own ordeals... and I spend so much time doing work and worrying about my body and all that ****. Whenever my lower stomach is in pain, which is fairly frequent, the thoughts haunt me of when it's going to get treated. I put off work to the last minute because I can't care enough, and because I fall asleep whenever my body sees a chance to. I'm probably behind in a lot of classes because I have fallen asleep in them consistently for the last couple of weeks.

Today I even stayed home from school... I had a doctor's appointment early in the morning, but I got back really early. I wanted to stay home the rest of the day to get my assignments done... well **** all gone done. I ended up sleeping away the entire afternoon, and I woke up again after school is dismissed, and struggled with actually getting up afterwards... I probably got less done than if I had just gone. But then again, there was no point in going since I would have fallen asleep in atleast 2 of my classes today.

Even as I'm typing this now I'm struggling with trying to finish a project that's due in two days and being distracted by the ever bounteous internet. It's not that I can't stop myself, it's that I don't care to.

It's a glory that I even still do well in school... but that's at the cost of doing well in the arts. My music skills are declining, and while I still get loads of compliments it's the personal gratification that is lacking. When someone says "That was amazing!" I think "but it's worse than last year", and I can't do anything but accept it... it's the truth. But I can't find much motivation in that sense either... the fatigue leaves me too tired to care, and school killed my passion. It's returned a little bit in the past few months but not enough to let me advance.

God, I just can't wait til the break... can't wait til the stress is over... I'm tired of the 12 hour school days with shitloads of rehearsals and academics all day. If it just weren't for my body, if it just weren't for the fatigue, it'd be fine... but to fix those problems all I can do is miserably wait...
BrownEyedMystery BrownEyedMystery
1 Response Dec 12, 2012

What did your Doctor say as sounds to me your having the start of something called ME. an infection that hits the body and makes you feel extremely tired and in some cases not able to actually get out of bed.Hope that resting over christmas helps you to recover,