Not An Easy Thing to Deal With.

I guess it started from an early age. I never really got on with the kids from pre-school, at least that's what I can remember.

When I moved on to primary schools, things didn't get much better. I was never invited to other kids parties, and invites were usually kept quiet- perhaps an attempt not to upset me. I used to be quite annoying, I think- I would always look for acceptance- something I still do today, although I am trying my best to gain more self confidence to stop.

I used to get off the school bus every day and my mom would be there waiting for me. She would ask me how my day was, and I would tell her it was fine, despite feeling quite empty at the time, which for a 6 year old, was quite hard to deal with.

I can remember throughout middle school having one real good friend. Josh. He would be the person I spent all my time with. I would do everything with Josh, eat with him, talk to him, I never left his side at the time. For once I was being invited to parties, and I could feel 'normal'. It felt good.

But in the end, I realized the old cliche:
If it's too good to be true, it usually isn't.
I got a bit too much for Josh, and he started disliking me. I was left again to wander by my lonesome.

 

Then, my family moved to England. A new school, new faces, new start. Same me. Things went the same way. At the time, I knew it was them that were causing the problem.

 

But later on through my primary school years, I realized it was me.

 

Family problems didn't make the situation any better, and as I started growing up and realizing how unpopular I was, I felt like a shell. Everybody else was popular, everybody else had friends, everybody else was happy. That was how it seemed to me at the time.

SATS came, and I passed them. Ready for high school.

I'm not the most intelligent person in the world, in fact I'm quite thick at times. I was never good with words, and as a matter of fact by this time I started lacking quite greatly in self confidence.

 

The first few weeks were great- I had a group of older kids who would put up with me and were actually quite nice to me. Things were on the up!

But nothing lasts forever.

They left the school a year after I had joined- I realized that friends my own year were important.

I had a small group of people with similiar interests to me that I used to hang around with. They were alright most of the time, they'd have the odd joke with me, but nothing malicious. Then I realized they didn't like me.

I had trouble making friends from the start, and later on it became worse.

I fell out with one person quite badly, and his group of friends decided to take it upon themselves to make my life miserable.

And so they did. At first it was just some namecalling- it grinds you down a bit eventually.

Qw3rt33 Qw3rt33
13-15
1 Response Mar 1, 2009

My definition of popular is having friends and at least fitting into the average crowd. I don't remember feeling that way since 4th grade. Now, some people are nice to me, but out of politeness. They really don't talk to me unless I'm in the same working group as them. I have outsider friends and sometimes they think that I'm not good. The popular people in my school are usually those with top grades. I always feel dumb and small when I'm at school. Life can be lonely.