My Unsure Relationship

I am dating a girl who shows little or no affection but has proclaimed her love for me. We have been seeing each other for about 2 years now but she rarely kisses/hugs me and anything past that generally has to be asked for at the right time and even then she seems emotionally neutral to the whole situation.

On the positive side we talk every night for at least an hour and during school she  spent almost every day with me in my apartment (although all she did was study), but during breaks from college she shows no interest in seeing me (we live an hour and a half away from each other by commuter rail).

We don't have a bad relationship by any means, we have never gotten in screaming matches or purposely hurt each other, but i want her to be committed to the relationship and act more like a lover who cares than a just a friend.

Recently she has claimed to be improving her part in the relationship and now will hold my hand and shows more emotion and interest when we are together but I'm starting to wear thin and wondering what i should do and if this is a path i want to keep walking. I am in love with this girl and wish to stay with her but I'm getting tired of seemingly being the only one in the relationship.

OnlyInDreams OnlyInDreams
22-25, M
1 Response Jul 8, 2008

i know a girl who wanted to skip from awkward starting relationship strait to 40 year married couple for the first 5 years of her relationship. recently she went to england for 6 months came back and is now getting her freak on (her thoughts on contraception though are frighteningly immature, dont fall in THAT hole).<br />
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What i'm saying is that people can sometimes change from nothing to something. the impetus for this change isn't something i can really guess as to specifics, nor should i, even people who are similar are to different to try anything specific.<br />
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Maybe spending some time physically apart (as in not meeting but still talking) will teach her that she enjoys being close to you. Maybe you may need to be even further away, but thats dangerous ground for all concerned. Maybe you should skirt the edges of what you are allowed to do, gradually pushing them outwards. Giving her a back rub, concentrating on the neck and where the spine meets the skull. be soft and gentle.<br />
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The problem is that everything take a lot of time and effort can easily be wasted by taking to many steps forward at once (even if you thought you were somewhere you weren't). Change is hard for everyone, but it needs help. just sitting there hoping wont get it done (no matter what she says), find times when you can be a part of it (even if your part is to not be there).