of my choices in life.
Often I think that I have picked the wrong spouse. Sometimes it is difficult for me to believe that he even finds me attractive. We are rarely intimate. When he says he loves me, I feel a bit surprised. I wonder why that is...
I tell him I love him, and I think he is happy to hear it. Yet, at times I feel like he might like a different sort of girl. I am not a small person. I'm tall, and in relatively good shape, but I'm not petite. I think he likes small girls. Not a lot I can do about that.
I think he also likes more 'spunky' girls. Perhaps those who are more assertive, or loudspoken. I suppose I could be, but it would not be in my nature. I'm a quiet, contemplative type. I am a bit eccentric, but it's not the same.
And I am sad. I dream, on occasion, of again meeting the guy who I fell in love with on first sight. Yeah, it sounds retarded. It is actually. Someone who falls in love with the idea of a person... and then to find out that person is real, its not imagined. He exists. But he's not interested. Especially not in someone as socially awkward as he is proficient. It's stupid. It's not real love. It can't be. Yet why do I feel the same way... 6 years later?
I don't know what to do. I feel lost. I feel like I should run away.
disastercupcake disastercupcake
26-30, F
Sep 1, 2014