My Husband Is Contented With Just Being a Houseband

I have been harboring this feeling for so many years now.  My husband's profession is a very prestigious one.  People who find out that my husband is such think that we are well off.  In reality, we are not.  For so many years now I have been the family's breadwinner. I know that our wedding vows stated that we should stay together for richer or for poorer and all that stuff.  I don't mind contributing my share to the family income but for so many years now my husband has not been earning as much as he should and he has not done anything about it.  This is what breaks my heart.  I have lost trust in his ability to take care of this family.  For so many years now, he has just been on call and he only gets paid when he gets these calls.  I don't mind if it was just the 2 of us, we can always live a simple life, but we have 3 kids whom we have to feed, clothe and send to school.  He has been a houseband most of the time while I bring in my paycheck regularly.  I appreciate all the help in the house but I expect him to do more than just be a houseband.  I know we cannot survive on my salary alone.  My kids are growing fast and I don't know how we can send them to college with just my salary alone.  We have talked about this years ago and he has promised to do something about it but until now he has never done anything.  I am tired and frustrated.  I am just waiting for my kids to grow older and I will be out of here.

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10 Responses Mar 21, 2009

i am in the same situation, we have four kids and i have been paying for everything for 14 years, and it has come to the point that i just lost trust in him and stopped talking to him. so he finally decided he will take a job as a driver in a different city and it pays so low, not even enough to pay his credit card bills and we will not get to see him. but i let him take that job anyway because i felt that would be better than having to see his sorry *** all day at home. i feel nothing will change, it should have happened a long time ago. i am thinking about divorce, but i am afraid i will **** up my kids lives the are ages 4, 7, 9 and 14.

so are we stuck? do we just ride the waves and wait for it... but wait for what?? is there no solution to this kind of situation?

he told his father he was angry.

as for your husband, my sense is that his "ego" means that he is inclined to think he is superior to you. just a guess.

By the way what is his profession ?

This afternoon I watched a father doing tennis coaching with his son.

The child seemed to play hot then cold.

I said to the father " your son may be angry " .

He asked his son if that was true.

That attitude is one that is not set in stone.

When I went to University in the USA there were many kids there who had no drive to make the sacrifices their parents expected.

Can't they pay for it themselves ?

Why do you have to pay for your children's tertiary education ?


That sounds an awful way to live, especially when he has said he will change but not put the effort in. I am just at the beginning of relationship with someone who makes the same kind of promises. He only gets paid if he works. So i have to pay all the bills and am called selfish if i say its unfair. I dont want to look at your post in 10 years time and say i wish i'd of taken notice of that! i love EP as its getting thru my stubbornness and making me face reality!

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