A Safe Place To Vent And Not Feel Alone

A friend of mine has been relentless about me writing in a journal to help me cope with the struggles I've had coping with divorce and now being a single-mother. I don't have any problems writing and expressing my pains. What I have a problem with is that I don't want any physical evidence of that laying around for anyone to see...including me. Posting online anonymously was the perfect solution for me. With one click of a button, I can delete everything when I feel that the time has come to let everything go.

I found EP last year when I was researching troubled marriages. I have laughed and cried anonymously along with many of the stories that I have read. Reading other people's pain that is going through the very same thing that I was gave me affirmation that I wasn't crazy for feeling the way that I did because there were many others like me. I'm the type of person that doesn't like to waste too much time wallowing in anything that doesn't feel good. I will sweep it under the rug and run towards my friends or a social event to have a great time so I can forget about my sorrows. It's great for awhile but what happens is that all of the hurt, pain and anger stacks up to a point where I can't hold it all in anymore and whether I like it or not, all the negativity and pain that has been suppressed comes out of me when I least expect it. I don't sleep well. Can't remember the last time that I did. And I'm highly emotional, I can be laughing hysterically and then cry buckets of tears the next. My doctor has wanted to put me on anit-depressants to help cope but I refuse to. I need to be a big girl. I need to ride this out and figure out a way to get my life back on track.

Don't feel badly for me as even though I"ve got a lot of tough issues to work through, I"m still extremely blessed to be surrounded by the most incredibly loving friends that anyone can ever wish for. I'm here because I want to unload and not give my friends that burden of carrying my pain with them.

Along the way, I've made a few good friends who have laughed and cried along with me. I have one best friend who I simply couldn't live without who has been with me pretty much since I got on EP. Along the way, I've also found that I had it in me to open my wounded heart to someone special. My stay on EP has been with mixed results but it has mostly been very good. I'm here to make friends and support anyone who reaches out to me. I'm not here to play games or make anyone feel less of themselves because I want to make myself feel better. One of my rules is that we agree to disagree but we must be respectful.

Last night I was talking via IM to someone in my circle that I was just getting to know. To make a long story short, I said something that was simple to him that he didn't beleive. HE adamantly thought I was lying about what I had said. This offended me deeply as it made me feel that I was such a pathetic soul that I would stoop so low as to lie to get attention. I don't need attention. I get a lot of it if not too much in my real life. What I need are kind words of support if you'd like to give it, advice, or anything else positive to share to help brighten my day. In return, I would try to do the same for you. I asked him why did he approach me if he thought I would be someone that he wouldn't think could be truthful with him. He didn't have an answer. I'm not mad at him for being honest about what he felt. I just thought it was ridiculous to waste his time and mine to want to talk to someone you couldn't trust with a simple thought. Maybe I'm the one that is being silly for trusting everything everyone tells me. I can't and won't go through my life being suspicious of everyone I encounter. It's just not me. My first instinct is to run towards you, smile and say hello. That's me. I assume you're my friend until you prove otherwise.
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1 Response Jul 11, 2010

Hi whbeachbum, how's it going? It sounds like this person may have had some kind of negative reaction to whatever you said, a reaction that has nothing to do with you, that caused him to get defensive. Maybe he had an image of you in his mind that didn't conform to the image conjured up by your comment, and that made him uncomfortable and wish it weren't true ? just guessing...<br />
Anyway, just wanted to send a virtual hug. I agree that EP is a great place to express feelings that you can't or don't want to express in your immediate life. To me it's very freeing to be able to say whatever I need to say here and not have to apply all the usual social filters.