IM So Mean

I just discovered how truly vain I really am. Carly Simon could sing about me today.

  I have never been vain, actually, I have always thought of myself as less than average or even plain and not much to look at.  If you look at the rest of my experience groups, you will see I don't feel all that great of myself, most of the time.

A few month ago, my significant other of a year and a half told me that he thought I was the most pretty and beautiful woman he has been with in his life.  I chalked it up to a few beers and laughed it off.....

He wasnt kidding.

I have been his first long relationship in almost 7 years.  The rest were just sex or flings and he has been alone for a very long time.

Awhile ago, I noticed that I was the only person on his messenger list.  He showed me that he had three blocked emails and that he had tried to delete them, but they wouldnt go away.  I tried too.  Anyway.

I kept mental note of those email addresses, and out of curiosity (I am a cat, I have enough lives to outlive one sneaky curiosity session, right?)  so I logged onto Myspace and Facebook and entered in the email addresses of the ex-f* buddies/dates that he had seen before our long term romance started...........  expecting to find these bimbo types and "better than me" women (sorry for the choice of words) and I come to two pages (two women) of homely, five feet tall, hair chopped two inches short, no makeup at all, 200-250+ ladies (with some of their friends commenting that they looked like men or very mannish); one with very dark circles under her eyes and the other with long hair streaked with four colors, green eyeshadow and black lipliner and piercings in her face.  

I was shocked.  This whole time I expected tall model like big breasted curvy women and I find one that is only twenty two (250 pounds five feet tall and short hair no makeup) and another one that clearly states in her own words on her page that she is a crisis waiting to happen and is going through a "rough patch" so she pierced her face and is wearing black lipstick.  She wasnt ugly but she was hard to look at.  She looked like her hair was greasy and she had too much black on her face.

My BF makes fun of people like this now.  He would die if I found out about these people, I am sure.  One of then was twenty years younger than him...  twenty.  Not the typical "Im going to date an arm candy twenty year old", but very very far end of the spectrum from that..

And now, I also know that he meant it.  He meant what he said.  He has never been with anyone pretty before.  He said that even his brother commented, "you should keep this one, shes gorgeous"

So, I guess my question is, because I know his background of what happened with his ex, did he date and sleep with people that were unnatractive because his ex wife cheated on him with many men, and he thought (A) I dont want to get attached  (B) they only need to fill the need of giving me physical relief and (c) if they are really not good looking or appealing , no one else will wan them, therefore they wont cheat?

Im not trying to be vain.  But, the pictures are disturibingly homely, unnatractive and I dont get it.

Was he just lonely and looking for one thing at that point?  He said he was never serious with them.  Obviously, because now we are in a LTR headed toward a future.

But-- I never understood why he said that about me, and now I do believe him.

Wow.....  Yes, I am being vain.  But Im surpised at the people he was with.  GROSS.  Hard to look at.  Im not kidding.  Im going to go straight to hell for even sharing this story..........


WhatMattersCannotBeSeen WhatMattersCannotBeSeen
31-35, F
Feb 9, 2009