A Vegan -- But Slipping. Eek!
I've been a vegan, if I'm discounting the little slips, for over a year now. I love being a vegan most of the time -- the food can be so wonderful and amazing and the lifestyle that comes with it so empowering sometimes.
However, I'm going through a bit of a freak out period and I could really do with some support, if anyone out there is listening. Today it's been so bad -- I ate fish. FISH! It's so disgusting. A whole 417g of salmon. I only do it for the protein. I know, I know, Vegans can get enough protein. But it's so much harder, ya' know? I mean, sure, beans and lentils and tofu (silken, firm or EXTRA firm ^-^) but I am just getting so disillusioned with it. I wish SO much that I could just have someone, or something, to keep me going. The problem is, I don't exactly know why I should be vegan. I sort of feel like I'm only doing it because of guilt of giving up -- and the fear of having my family and friends saying I'm a failure, etc. (yes, it's actually a possibility). I just don't want to give in, but I'm finding it hard. And going on holiday is ALWAYS a nightmare. If they even *know* the word vegan, it's a little uncomfortable (for me, at the least), for having to ask for a special meal because of my chosen dietary requirements. Last summer, on holiday, I lost about 6 pounds over two weeks. Actually, thinking about it, it was more like 8. It's because of the freakin' amount of lettuce disposed of onto plates for us vegans. Gah! I want some nice food apart from some grated carrot (if lucky), sliced tomato and half an iceburg lettuce, thank you!
Anyway, okay, I'm ranting. I just need to breathe. I really want to be a vegan, I do. But it's so hard, not being able to, like, meet the animals that I'm (hopefully) saving. I guess it's doubt. It's doubt in my own ability to actually make a difference to the world by abstaining from putting something down my gullet. Blah. I need someone to egg me on to keep going (no pun intended). Another vegan to just say 'you can do it, Matt!'.
Egging on? Please?
UPDATE! : So, it's at least a couple of months on now (I can't be bothered to check the date of postage), and I'm thinking it would be good if I updated this.
So, I went on holiday three weeks ago, and ushered myself into ovo-tarianism. I thought it was the acceptable trade-off, rather than eating fish or red meat. Luckily enough, somehow, most of the restaurants catered to my ovo-tarian needs. Hurray! I've decided to go back to veganism. But this time I've got a bit more furvor for it. I've made myself a lovely inventory of interesting recipes, courtesy of vegweb.com, which is proving to be a fantastic investment. I don't know exactly why, but I really feel a lot more like I give a c*** now about being a vegan than before. I guess now it's more of a matter of, "Who I am" rather than, "What I do".