A Vegan -- But Slipping. Eek!

I've been a vegan, if I'm discounting the little slips, for over a year now.  I love being a vegan most of the time -- the food can be so wonderful and amazing and the lifestyle that comes with it so empowering sometimes. 


However, I'm going through a bit of a freak out period and I could really do with some support, if anyone out there is listening.  Today it's been so bad -- I ate fish.  FISH!  It's so disgusting.  A whole 417g of salmon.  I only do it for the protein.  I know, I know, Vegans can get enough protein.  But it's so much harder, ya' know?  I mean, sure, beans and lentils and tofu (silken, firm or EXTRA firm  ^-^) but I am just getting so disillusioned with it.  I wish SO much that I could just have someone, or something, to keep me going.  The problem is, I don't exactly know why I should be vegan.  I sort of feel like I'm only doing it because of guilt of giving up -- and the fear of having my family and friends saying I'm a failure, etc.  (yes, it's actually a possibility).   I just don't want to give in, but I'm finding it hard.  And going on holiday is ALWAYS a nightmare.  If they even *know* the word vegan, it's a little uncomfortable (for me, at the least), for having to ask for a special meal because of my chosen dietary requirements.   Last summer, on holiday, I lost about 6 pounds over two weeks.  Actually, thinking about it, it was more like 8.  It's because of the freakin' amount of lettuce disposed of onto plates for us vegans.  Gah!  I want some nice food apart from some grated carrot (if lucky), sliced tomato and half an iceburg lettuce, thank you! 


Anyway, okay, I'm ranting.  I just need to breathe.  I really want to be a vegan, I do.  But it's so hard, not being able to, like, meet the animals that I'm (hopefully) saving.  I guess it's doubt.  It's doubt in my own ability to actually make a difference to the world by abstaining from putting something down my gullet.  Blah.  I need someone to egg me on to keep going (no pun intended).  Another vegan to just say 'you can do it, Matt!'.


Egging on?  Please?


UPDATE!  :   So, it's at least a couple of months on now (I can't be bothered to check the date of postage), and I'm thinking it would be good if I updated this. 

So, I went on holiday three weeks ago, and ushered myself into ovo-tarianism.  I thought it was the acceptable trade-off, rather than eating fish or red meat.  Luckily enough, somehow, most of the restaurants catered to my ovo-tarian needs.  Hurray!   I've decided to go back to veganism.  But this time I've got a bit more furvor for it.  I've made myself a lovely inventory of interesting recipes, courtesy of vegweb.com, which is proving to be a fantastic investment.  I don't know exactly why, but I really feel a lot more like I give a c*** now about being a vegan than before.  I guess now it's more of a matter of, "Who I am" rather than, "What I do". 

Mitosis Mitosis
18-21, M
9 Responses May 29, 2008

I haven't ate meat in nearly 4 years (11 now) and I never do crave meat products or dairy or eggs (i've always hated them)but in case it ever happens just think "If animals are my friends I shouldn't eat them or their produce because that hurts them and they have feelings the same as a human"

I am so happy for you and you should realize you can inspire others also....I knew you could do it!

Like you I always wanted to be vegan but just couldnt bring myself to do it wholeheartedly. Then suddenly one night (10 years ago) at dinner I couldnt bear to eat beef anymore. I left it on the plate and never looked back. I want to be vegan because I cant stand the smell of meat or chicken, egg or fish. They all smell so rotten when raw and even sometimes when cooked especially chicken, turkey and eggs.. I cant bear putting that into my mouth and stomach anymore. Gave up beef and lamb - don't eat pork and ham. <br />
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I must say it is hard to exist only on beans and lentils for protein. I am also lactose intolerant. I cant eat tofu because of my thyroid so I am not having it so easy. I was also beginning to feel a little off so I succumed and cooked a piece of fish soaked in vinegar to remove the smell and ate that twice a week. Felt much better because I got more protein. But I decided to get some protein powder. Only problem is that the protein powder has quite a bit of cholesterol per serving. So now I have to take a pill to reduce cholesteral buildup in addition to my exercise.

hi five matt! keep it up and remember the benefit of good deeds are not the outcome, but the affirmation of your willpower to do good deeds.

Matt, we all have our moments ( i think) where we struggle with the difficulties that come with veganism..and it can be tough. maybe you just needed to double check with yourself that it was what you wanted to do. i know that some vegans out there would rant and rave about you having gone back to eggs and all that..but hey, you came back to veganism and that is what matters. and i truly do believe that every single person that makes any effort at all to cut out meat and dairy is making a difference. the animals love you for it! good for you!!

Do you think that if you transitioned toward becoming vegan that it would be easier than just quitting animal products completely? When I became a (lacto-ovo) vegetarian, I began by stopping red meat, then chicken, and then fish, gradually over a period of about 6 months. By the time I had stopped fish, being a vegetarian seemed completely natural.<br />
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And if you have to eat some form of animal product, maybe you could find something that has the lesser effect on animals so you don't feel guilty- for example, free range eggs have less of an impact on the animal than chicken does.

1) I can't say I have ever seen 'Earthlings'. What is it about? (It might be better if we continued this through private messages).<br />
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2) I've started watching them. Some of the things that he's saying are fairly interesting -- a lot of which I would never have thought of (Like B12 coming from bacteria).<br />
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3) Thanks for being there to help me continue on my path of non-violence towards the earth's younger children (animals are the younger children, we are the older children. ^^) AND it's great to know about your love of pasta. :P

Oh, don't get me wrong, I do actually want to be a vegan. I'm not just doing it because I'm trapped. Though, that is sometimes a big part of why I'm doing it. My motivations fluctuate a lot, I guess. Like, today, it's a good day. I've been able to get everything off my chest about it (above) and so I feel really motivated to protect the creatures in the world. It can just be so hard, you know? <br />
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I originally chose to become a vegan because one way or another eating dairy/eggs/fish/meat causes an animal to end up suffering and being in fear before it dies. All animals that are slaughtered (including fish) have been found to be able to feel emotions. Now, I HATE being scared, so I don't think it's right to put that on other creatures in the world. What makes me any better than them? Sometimes that can be a little hard to remember. <br />
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Thanks for the comment. :)

You can do whatever you set your mind to :-) But making a major life change because you are afraid that people will call you a quitter if you change your mind isn't the best reason to do something! I say make peace with your choices and reason for them, and then whatever diet you choose will be that much easier to stick to, because you know why you are doing what you are doing.