INTERNAL Bruises

Well here's one reason I'm no longer married... of course it hasn't ended but at least now I can go to my own home and not deal with it. Sad part is my own teen tells me I need to stand up for myself and that I'm weak and then she follows his lead and does it to. I've never been a weak person, I've come so far in life, and yet, when they start I do seem to cower. I don't get it... and how do you explain it... I mean if he were to hit me then I'd have bruises to show, but how do you show the bruises when they are in your mind, your heart, your spirit? My father was the same way so maybe I attract it. Maybe I ask for it.... ask to be spoken down to, to be insulted, to be treated as if I shouldn't exist... 

mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
10 Responses Jul 7, 2007

Verbal battering is very unhealthy in every relationship...I have gone through it for almost 14 years with my ex husband... i have loved him so much that i remain steadfast and lived through it....i havent heard him praise in everything that i do...he never remember my bday...never got a single rose during valentines...in short...im nothing...but that doesnt mean my life ended there.....i lost my love for him...we have two wonderful kids who witnessed and heard it all.....but im glad that they understand and hoped for us to live a quite life....<br />
But for now...i am pursuing a chance to be happier and be with someone who will treat me with respect and love...

My boyfriend of the last 5 years drinks and ends up yelling at me for one reason or another. The other day he told me I couldn't do anything right and that I'm worthless. I just let these things roll off my shoulders but then when I think about what he says I end up crying. He says that I shouldn't pay any attention to things he says when hes drunk but how can I not? Drunk or not they are hurtful. I'm afraid to do anything wrong because I'm worried he'll yell at me.

If it hurts ya...Kill it!<br />
If ya cant or wont kill it, avooid it, still dosent work, Come on out. ;-) <br />
Dx

cel is correct. children learn what they live - not what they're told. children grow up mimicking what they've witnessed in their lives. this means when they are older they will find comfort with a significant other who is abusive or they will become the abuser. either way by staying in a relationship of this sort it is sending a message to everyone, "it's okay to treat me, my children, those i love and care about in this way." as well as, "verbal abuse or any form of abuse is acceptable behavior." do not take it from your child. you may not be able to do anything about the father and how he treats you but you can begin to change your child's behavior before it's too late. a therapist isn't a bad idea in this situation... my thoughts are with you. this is not an easy time nor an easy situation.

It's positive affirmations that give us our confidence. Power of association overwhelmes the dark...guides you to the strength of the light...Its confidence you lack...do not fret...your beautiful inside...speak from your soul...don't shun her..shes amazing and if it takes a boost from positive friends around you...oh thats right the positive friends are here...hmmm well you need to find some more fire out there that allows you to be you.....Be you.

Hi Verbal abuse crushes your spirit, your soul, your mind, and all of your being, we are not responsable for peoples behavior to treat us that way, it is their choice to do so.<br />
The scars are deep and take along time to heal.<br />
I am still in recovery 5 years out of my relationship with my ex, who still abuses me even tho he's remarried.<br />
It is their choice and we are not responsable.<br />
"'Hugs", From Feflower in NZ

Don't ever think this is your fault. It's not....I promise it's not. It's not that you attract it...it's difficult to explain in text but because your father was like that and you watched your mom live like that it's almost like subconsciencely you think that's how things should be. So your attracted to your fathers type...you know that saying a girl always marries her dad. Children in a house like that do one of two things. They either back down like you have or they become it themselves like it seems your daughter is doing. I myself am just learning out to get out of your shoes. My mom is extremely verbally abusive and has been known at times to get physically abusive as well. My mom had me so brain washed...and she ruined so much of my life and me. Here's something that helps me kind of deal with it. See I used to think it was all my fault to (honestly I still catch myself thinking like that sometimes, but I have some awesome ppl in my life to set me straight again) I was convinced that I was worthless, I was a hassel, I was the problem, I wasn't good enough, and that the way my mom talked to me and the things she said to me was because of me. But it's not...it's because of her. She made some choices and she's not happy with herself so she takes it out on me...because she could. But I don't have to accept that. No matter how much I love her and no matter how much she means to me she's human like everyone else. She's not perfect and she's going to make mistakes. The way she treats me is her mistake and I don't have to let it take me down with her. <br><br>I'm sorry I have to go for now I hope I've helped a little at least. Please...if there's anything I can help you with please let me know. Maybe I can offer some insight or something ya know. Take care and good luck. And know something...KNOW this...your worth everything and more. That i'm 100% sure of.

*hug* Just to let you know, you're not alone. I feel that you're strong beCAUSE you haven't "stood up for yourself". You're smart enough to know that it won't help matters at all. I'm sorry to hear that your child has been exposed to his behavior like that though. I know for a fact that you do not "ask for it", it's what you're exposed to, there's this odd comfort there, even though you know it's wrong and that it feels bad. Good luck.

Just realized that today would have been our 17th year anv.

Verbal abuse from someone you love can be even more devastating than physical abuse. You obviously know you are being abuse, why do you need outward signs that others can see, to put a stop to it?<br />
I was in a 6 year relationship that didn't become verbally abusive until I got pregnant. He was scared of the responsibility and commitment required to be a father. Even though it was his idea to forego birth control on the occasion that resulted in pregnancy, he blamed me for making him a father, "saddling" him with this commitment. No, he didn't admit this, instead he punished me my becoming extremely critical and aloof. I didn't want to raise another son without a father so I kept telling myself it would get better. It didn't, instead I got very depressed and started to believe I was worthless. When our son was 2 years old, we split and it was the best thing that could have happened for all of us. I regained my self esteem, was able to be an effective mother to my son and I am 200% better. Don't let anyone belittle you or tell you you are worthless. Take care of yourself, you can't be an effective, loving mother if you can't love yourself. If you want to try and save the relationship, get couple's counseling. If he won't go, get it for yourself and get out of the abusive relationship.