I Am Very Angry At My Life

In the past three years I have experienced a wide range of situations that at the time I thought they were meant to make me grow, but now in hind sight I feel I have been naive, used, gullable and have not really measured consequences to my decisions, and had allowed too much input from family and friends to tells me or criticize what i have done or should do instead.

As a result I am now, jobless, separated, in a house I feel I can ill afford for now, and with a mountain of debts mounting, whilst struggling to start a new relationship with a good man I feel I don't deserve.

In October, after a horrendous summer ( which included heated arguments with my mother, my first holidays without my daughter, and full on depressive states because of job satisfaction), I agreed to start working with my mother in her new venture a Hair and Beauty Salon.

I felt that after a lifetime of feeling my mother's dissatisfaction with my self it would be a good idea to try to bond whilst working together, I have thought my relationship with my mother could not sink any lower than in the summer.

I have found her to be rude, difficult to talk to, bad communicator, liar and conflictive. I my self can see I have some of those trait, and believe me, none is cruder that me to point negative traits, but I try very hard to work on solving my negative issues.

What a horrible experience of feeling trapped, cling on, manipulated when my mother told me that I should be grateful she pays me for the job I do as most family business would not pay to their family member.

I was forced to endure horrible guilt trips from her, when I did't even asked to be included in this venture. needless to say I don't have a job anymore, I miss doing something I like, I miss my mother, but wished she was a bit of a better person.

I still wish her well and hope is me the one that regrets not being part of her business team anymore than her business going down.

I am so upset for her and feel so bad for my self, what a waist of time these last 3 years, they have brought nothing but misery to me, and can't help to think the worst is not over yet.


 

valegu valegu
31-35, F
Feb 10, 2010