I'm Not Sure.

I don't understand. I have a great gf and and good life. My friends are amazing. But right now everything is crashing in on me. I feel so pressured by everything. I had a massive breakdown the other day and ended up telling my mother about my gf. I'm not sure how she feels, it wasnt a bad reaction but it wasnt the best. I guess I didnt expect it to be. lately I've been talking to this guy and he is awesome. He's really opened my mind up to a lot, new thoughts, feelings, emotions, music, a way of life, and horrible things that happen in this world that are more important than going shopping next weekend. I found myself beggining to develope feelings for this guy, and I am completely questioning my relationship with my gf. I am completely questioning my orientation I have been for a while. I don't understand it.

College. Applications. Acceptance, Rejection, Differance. Senior year. HELP. Can i freak out? No, I dont have time to freak out, I have too much to worry about. these next few months determine the rest of my life. Where i get in. Where i decide to go. What i decide to be. How do people deal with this?

What am I? Who Am I? Am i even important?

Shae Shae
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 1, 2007

I empathise with your anxieties; I remember it all too well. It's not an easy time to go through such pressures, while grappling with hormones. <br />
I wish I could say that once you get into the college of your choice it all becomes a smooth ride - at least that hasn't been my case. It's gotten crazier, though at times it get more exciting and even scarier as I got older. Chaos is perhaps the best way to describe my current state. I'm a bit more comfortable navigating through it though. Check out the song 'wear sunscreen' on Deezer, the advice is perennial and compelling- let me know what you think of it. Merde- as they say in the theatre

<br />
There you are, see?<br />
<br />
You are the "I" in "Important"! Cheesy, but true. When it all gets too much, just return to that wordless, thoughtless perspective that is you, living in a very busy, exciting and challenging time in your life. :D<br />
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(The other thing is, that whilst these are big decisions in your life, they won't determine the rest of it. We make up what happens in life as we go along. I know I'm still doing it, and have come back to re-determine my life at an age where I thought I would have everything figured out. Turns out... we're always learning. :) )

I totally get it. I just finished my senior year, but I remember what last fall was like. I ended up having a total breakdown the stress about the rest of my life was so bad! But I did make it through.<br />
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I ended up not applying to schools last fall and just worked on my grades and spending time with my friends. I'm going to apply this fall instead. That took a HUGE stress off, although now I've got this gap year to deal with. But what's most important is that no matter how much it feels like these months determine your identity forever, they don't. It's hard to see that when you're in the thick of it, but keep telling yourself it's true.<br />
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But I think the best advice I can give you for senior year is to really live every minute of it. Savor your friends and good teachers, because it'll be over too soon. If I could do it, anyone can. Good luck!