I am very depressed & I want to change my whole life. I want me & my mother to move into a place that is more suitable for her, but that seems impossible seeing as how she is always either in the nursing home or hospital. I want her to live longer. I don't think she will live much longer than the end of this year & that terrifies me & makes me even more depressed. I want her to get better. I can not live without her. Not only because I have no income & after she dies, I will be homeless, but because she is really my best friend. She's the only person I have in my life & the only person I ever talk to-- besides my therapist & other professionals. I can't talk to her about anything important, but she's still all I have & after she dies I will have no one. I've already decided that I will kill myself after she dies. I decided that months ago. I will have no other choice. I know I will end up in a mental hospital after she dies-- & also homeless & I can't cope with either of those things. I have no way to take care of myself. Life is too hard even having her away in the hospital or nursing home-- where she is now. It makes things so much harder for me. I want my whole life to change. I want us to move. I want her to get healthier. I want us not to have to struggle so much to make ends meet. I would like for her to see me living on my own & having my own life before she dies, but it will be a miracle if that happens. I just hope her health will finally improve long enough for us to move from this place because I believe moving from here will make things much better for her.