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I Am Very Depressed I Want To Change My Whole Life

Yes And Yes

By: lyricalongings
Written on May 14th, 2010

I am very depressed & I want to change my whole life. I want me & my mother to move into a place that is more suitable for her, but that seems impossible seeing as how she is always either in the nursing home or hospital. I want her to live longer. I don't think she will live much longer than the end of this year & that terrifies me & makes me even more depressed. I want her to get better. I can not live without her. Not only because I have no income & after she dies, I will be homeless, but because she is really my best friend. She's the only person I have in my life & the only person I ever talk to-- besides my therapist & other professionals. I can't talk to her about anything important, but she's still all I have & after she dies I will have no one. I've already decided that I will kill myself after she dies. I decided that months ago. I will have no other choice. I know I will end up in a mental hospital after she dies-- & also homeless & I can't cope with either of those things. I have no way to take care of myself. Life is too hard even having her away in the hospital or nursing home-- where she is now. It makes things so much harder for me. I want my whole life to change. I want us to move. I want her to get healthier. I want us not to have to struggle so much to make ends meet. I would like for her to see me living on my own & having my own life before she dies, but it will be a miracle if that happens. I just hope her health will finally improve long enough for us to move from this place because I believe moving from here will make things much better for her.

By: lyricalongings
Age: 31-35 , Female
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5 responses
  • lyricalongings
    lyricalongings

    Thanks, HunnehCat, but I will have nothing after she dies & everything will be much worse & I know I won't be able to handle it.



    ILoveMarie, My mom was 30 & my dad was 40 when I was born. I think it's better that my mom was 30 & not far too young like most people are when they have their children. But she never took good care of herself & smoked for 30 years, which is why she is in such bad health. She's 58 but has the health of someone much older. As for killing myself, it's something I'm going to have to do after she dies. I don't know what you mean by "a very interesting ball of wax..." It's something I will be forced to do unless she lives longer & things improve drastically before she dies.

    May 15, 2010
    1 like
    • WiredDruaCellBunny
      WiredDruaCellBunny

      I had Breakdown 2 years ago my girl fend went back home to her mums with my baby I was in bits . I evident c them. for 1 year **** of my ex family but now i' m on top of the world & life couldent be better nor I: m setting. up my own iso company & I c my ex & the baby girl. Pls life.is for living as long as u have yor health. U have your wealth & live life to the full
      as long as u starting thing posertive lifestyle. & life. for u will get much better . Ok by 4 now Adrian Essex England c u

      Feb 19
      1 like
    • WiredDruaCellBunny
      WiredDruaCellBunny

      If u want support every one will help message me on here by

      Feb 19
      1 like
    • lyricalongings
      lyricalongings

      Thank You :) Things have improved greatly since I wrote that almost three years ago. My mom is still alive and is doing well :) She miraculously recovered, although she still has serious health issues. I am also doing much better. I am no longer depressed and haven't been for months now. We still live in the same place, but plan on moving this summer.

      Feb 23
      1 like
  • ILoveMarie
    ILoveMarie

    Wishing you the best as always... I'm curious. You have no siblings right? At what approximate age did your parents 'have you'? I'll tell you why I want to know Later... Anyway, as for killing yourself, that is a very interesting ball of wax... I find it easier to say than to do, but if things don't improve soon than that could change...

    May 14, 2010
    1 like