I Think That Something Is Wrong With Me.

This is the first time I tell this to anybody but I feel that something is wrong. I am curious if anybody else is experiencing the same thing or if you could give me any oppinion.
My "problem" is: I am in a 1 year relationship with a guy, who was previously married. While we have sex, I picture him having sex with his ex wife and that turns me on. And that is not the first time it happens. In my last relationship, my ex was cheating on me with indian girl. So while we were together and I was going through this emotional stres, I developed a fantasy and started watching **** with indian woman in it. Now, in this second relationship, I do the same thing, it is just that an ex of my boyfriend was black, and another girl that he was seeing too, so I am now watching **** with white guys and black girls and I think of that that is how he did it with his ex, or this other girl and it turns me on. So this is the second time in my life that I am in love, and the second time I am doing the same thing. When I was seeing guys whom I was not emotionally attached to, this was not happening. Important note would be that my current bf has 2 kids with his ex, and he sees her on a weekly base.
Do you have any oppinion, advice, where this comes from and how could I deal with it? It is so twisted, and I would really like not to have these fantasies and thought anymore. I consider myself to be really normal and self confident woman, and I dont understand what inside me generates these thoughts and fantasies.
Thank you for reading this, I guess that it is easier to share it like this, than with close friends, they would probably think that I am totally crazy.
Monna3006 Monna3006
26-30, F
Dec 6, 2012