I am trying to get to know myself better. I have spent the last few months thinking and writing and reading my journal. I still have a lot to uncover about myself. So far I have been able to decide that the last time I was truly happy was before I met my husband. Slowly over the years I have lost my self-esteem, my joy and my *****. And who knows what else!! My husband is very selfish and is more than happy to leave me alone with our children day in and day out. He seems to enjoy his time away from us more than ever. I used to think this was my fault but now that I have been thinking and writing and reading, I realize that I am not at fault. That said, he still has quite a bit of power over me. I believe the things he tells me about myself and it almost always breaks me down. I am desperate for the day when I find peace and happiness within in myself.