I Am Very Lonely In My Marriage
I just don't know where to start. 20 years of marriage and it is getting worse as time goes on.
My wife would rather spend time with a total stranger and give that person the shirt off her back than lift a finger to enhance our relationship. At the end of the work day (we both have a great jobs) we get home from work and more times than not I cook dinner for her and our children. She works too so I can't expect anything less than to share the household duties.
After dinner the ritual is for me to retire to the "man cave" and watch some television in my room while she watches television in the living room. She chats on the phone, sends/receives text messages all night, so much that it invades our personal time. I go to bed alone every night by 10 or so and when I wake up in the morning she is in the bed as well. Very routine, with no intimacy. This routine is very normal to her and she sees nothing wrong with it I on the other hand feel like a conversation not interrupted by her texting or talking to a friend, maybe some couple time would be normal?
I on the other hand KNOW that it is not right and a married couple should be more than roomates that share a bed. We have so little in common and don't really enjoy the same activities. Feminine things for her and our daughter and masculine things for me and my son. Often times we are at kids functions seperately. Again, she thinks this is normal, married people should be together, right?
Yesterday, she overcommited our family to things on the holiday (4th of July). She actually suggested that her and our daughter go to our friends birthday function and our son and I go to the other social function a bbq with a different circle of our friends. On a holiday really?? That is not normal and definately not what I want out of our marriage. I really can't understand how your partner could even consider splitting the family in two on a Holiday. My mindset is "Perfect a day we can ALL spend together". Hers seems to be I have to make sure my friends feel wanted and appreciated so I will sacrifice my relationship with my husband/family to make them feel good.
These are a few examples of what happens pretty regular in our life. Every time it happens it causes an argument, me justifying why she should want to be with us and her making excuses and justifying why she felt she needed to act the opposite way.
This morning was no different after our Holiday fiasco. I told her that it hurts my feelings and makes me feel underappreciated when she chooses other people over her family, let alone carving some time out for just us. She said I was just looking for a fight and she wasn't going to fight about it and left for work. I texted her: "You say I am looking for a fight? I just want a partner that occasionally makes an effort to make our time together special." No response for over six hours and counting...
I would leave and file for a divorce if it weren't for our two children. It is pretty obvious that she either doesn't appreciate what she has or she is not happy either. I do believe that she would be remorseful if we split up (hindsight is 20/20) but I just can't get her to see how good we really have it now. House, jobs, kids, money, weekends off...the list goes on.
Don't know what to do.
My wife would rather spend time with a total stranger and give that person the shirt off her back than lift a finger to enhance our relationship. At the end of the work day (we both have a great jobs) we get home from work and more times than not I cook dinner for her and our children. She works too so I can't expect anything less than to share the household duties.
After dinner the ritual is for me to retire to the "man cave" and watch some television in my room while she watches television in the living room. She chats on the phone, sends/receives text messages all night, so much that it invades our personal time. I go to bed alone every night by 10 or so and when I wake up in the morning she is in the bed as well. Very routine, with no intimacy. This routine is very normal to her and she sees nothing wrong with it I on the other hand feel like a conversation not interrupted by her texting or talking to a friend, maybe some couple time would be normal?
I on the other hand KNOW that it is not right and a married couple should be more than roomates that share a bed. We have so little in common and don't really enjoy the same activities. Feminine things for her and our daughter and masculine things for me and my son. Often times we are at kids functions seperately. Again, she thinks this is normal, married people should be together, right?
Yesterday, she overcommited our family to things on the holiday (4th of July). She actually suggested that her and our daughter go to our friends birthday function and our son and I go to the other social function a bbq with a different circle of our friends. On a holiday really?? That is not normal and definately not what I want out of our marriage. I really can't understand how your partner could even consider splitting the family in two on a Holiday. My mindset is "Perfect a day we can ALL spend together". Hers seems to be I have to make sure my friends feel wanted and appreciated so I will sacrifice my relationship with my husband/family to make them feel good.
These are a few examples of what happens pretty regular in our life. Every time it happens it causes an argument, me justifying why she should want to be with us and her making excuses and justifying why she felt she needed to act the opposite way.
This morning was no different after our Holiday fiasco. I told her that it hurts my feelings and makes me feel underappreciated when she chooses other people over her family, let alone carving some time out for just us. She said I was just looking for a fight and she wasn't going to fight about it and left for work. I texted her: "You say I am looking for a fight? I just want a partner that occasionally makes an effort to make our time together special." No response for over six hours and counting...
I would leave and file for a divorce if it weren't for our two children. It is pretty obvious that she either doesn't appreciate what she has or she is not happy either. I do believe that she would be remorseful if we split up (hindsight is 20/20) but I just can't get her to see how good we really have it now. House, jobs, kids, money, weekends off...the list goes on.
Don't know what to do.
By:
nowayintheworld
Age:
36-40
,
Male
