Marriage Is Lonely

My marriage has no passion, no intimacy and no connection. We've been together almost 14 years and I've been miserable in this regard for the last 5. Our days are very busy and we are both people who like alone time. However, we spend zero time together and that is more alone time than I want.

I go to bed every night by myself and he comes to bed after falling asleep on the couch. We never cuddle nor do any part of our bodies make contact while in bed. A lot of nights he just sleeps on the couch.

He never touches me and I have to initiate everything: conversation, making plans, hugs etc unless it is something regarding our daughter.
We don't dream together, talk about us or make plans for our future. We just co-exist in the beautiful house we both love. I feel like every day is the same and very routine.

We have not had sex in over 2 years. Most likely because he knows he is very inadequate so he doesn't bother to try. I have begged him to change, to spend time with me, to see a therapist about the sexual issues. Nothing. There is no spontaneity or anything to look forward to physically or emotionally.

Here is the really frustrating part. If you were to ask him if he is happy in his marriage he would say yes. He would say that he has a beautiful, talented wife that takes good care of his daughter. He has a lovely home, close friends and good job. He wants for nothing else.

He is a nice man with a good heart and at one time we made each other laugh. However my cold, empty bed and lack of deep connection to anyone is taking its toll. I feel helpless and trapped. I don't feel needed or desired.

I long for the feelings of passion and being desirable that I had in other relationships. It would be nice to be surprised once in awhile with an unexpected date or gesture. I have finally given up trying to initiate because it never amounts to anything.

I'm not young anymore. I could do a lot worse than this man. I am afraid of what divorce would do to my daughter. But I feel that I may never experience passion again and that scares me.
illataebilis illataebilis
41-45, F
Jan 6, 2013