I Have Gone Numb
I think I am losing my mind. I have been trying for 14 years to bring some type of intimacy to my marriage. Friendship, companionship, sex...one of the above, or all the above. I have been met with rejection, disrespect, being ignored. and made to feel like a puppy.
Something happened last weekend that has never happened to me before. I went numb. I thought perhaps I was just tired, but it hasn't gone away. I have gone emotionally numb. I can't seem to feel anything, just this deep sense of sadness and resignation. I don't know what it relates to, but it is there and it stays with me. I can't seem to think anymore. The sight of my wife just makes me sad. I fear now that she may try to touch me and I would not know how to, or care to, or be able to, respond. I do not know how to deal with this numbness. I am not even sure I know what it is. It is just there.