My Worst FearLast night, I found out that I may lose a huge chunk of my already very low income. I'm very frightened.
My worst fear on this earth is being homeless. I am already very much physically alone--in the sense of the only daily companionship I have is my three cats. The only two real friends I have I've never met--as they live in the UK.
I am really, really scared. In the last year and a half, I've lost my mum, my educational future, three jobs, my home, my flat...I was just getting back on my feet and now am told I owe a huge sum to the govenment because they made a big foul up on my paperwork.
I so want to be dead, it's not funny. I am NOT committing suicide--but that said, I would give anything to be dead. To me, it would be like winning the lottery. Life is far worse than death, as far as I can see.
I would very literally rather be dead than homeless.
When you're poor, or alone, or mentally ill---people treat you like dirt--like you've no value, whatsoever.
But, when you're homeless--in most American's eyes---you cease to exisit altogether. I would rather be dead. I really would. I'm really, really scared. I could use a hug right now--not a "virtual" hug, but a real one--oh, how I would love to hear the words, "everything will be alright." But it's not, and there's no one there. I'm just so scared and lost and lonely. I wish I were dead.