There are only really two people who i tell everything to - my best friend and my counsellor. I find it so, so difficult to trust anyone else. I've had all these 'friends' who would 'stick with me through everything' and 'do what they can to help me' and then just turned around and stuck a knife in my back. And now i don't even want to try and get close to people, i want to keep them all at arms length because at least then i don't get hurt again. at least i can hold on to a scrap of dignity or a tiny piece of pride. and all these people call me cold or heartless - that's not it - it's me trying to hold myself together. letting people in seems to be just giving someone else the chance to play with you. and my best friend is the only person who knows absolutely everything, because i know that she won't judge me or ditch me when someone better comes along. so yeah .. sometimes i swear that opening up and being honest are some of the hardest things in the world, but i guess that it can be worth it, as long as you open up to the right person.
BlueKiwi34 BlueKiwi34
Nov 29, 2012