People Think They Know Me

I've been called sincere, honest, sweet, unique, random, weird, adorable, smart, and funny. They say that I speak my mind and say my honest opinions. However, they don't know me. The only people who know the real inner me is like only 2 people. I hear it from my friends that they want to know more about me because I mumble when I don't trust people and the fact that I won't repeat what I mumbled. I fake smile to show I am not sad or depressed. I make others laugh to lighten the atmosphere and not let them know that I'm a person who doesn't like smiling. When I said that i didn't like smiling nor hugging, people were like "WHAA?! NU UHH ! YOU'RE ALWAYS SMILING! YOU AND UR CUTE A** DIMPLE!" Well, that's because they don't know the real me. My crush counts as the 3rd person to know the real me because I talk out my feelings to her and reveal the truths behind my fake smiles. I began not opening up to people right after middle school because people changed, and let's face it. People act fake. Whether it's to fit in with the crowd, or get guys/girls, etc. You learn that you have your own problems and other people have theirs. You begin to mature, and others around you start to behave differently. I stopped opening up to people because of my friend who was backstabbed by her best friend of 10 years. I mean, how could you do that? Also, I stopped opening up because I felt like I was a pretty depressed person, who would lead people to have solemn glances at me when they hold a conversation rather than a light upbeat mood whenever they see me. I have a mentor who is my former English teacher, and he gives me advice. I've been told by him that I've been into his class more than 10 times and that I never realized it because I'm battling my own emotions. He told me to look for people who care and look out for those who don't care. I don't know about other people, but I feel like I'm done with trying to make others smile and laugh much to my discomfort. I'd rather daydream and stay alone and think for awhile. I'm glad I have 3 people by my side and a mentor to guide me (:
chikoritatard chikoritatard
18-21, F
Nov 30, 2012