I Guess Love Is Not For Me

So here I go, I am going to write down my first story. It all started about 6 years ago, I was offered a promotion at my work, the new position would be manager, but out of state, I was in my 4th year of a relationship, I knew I loved this woman, feeling pressure from her and friends, she was smothering me, friends wanted me to break up with her to hang out with them more. I moved, job was not what I expected at all, location was horrible, rains all the time, lived in a motel for 3 months, crappy motel, obviously I was so gle by this point, started hanging out with a co-worker, started having a sexual relationship with her, months go by, get I to a huge fight and break up, I decide to move back, once I have rented a moving truck, flew a friend to help; had everything loaded in truck she i forms me she is pregnant, move back anyway cuz it was already set in motion, moved back found a job in home state and immediately began looking for job back in other state, I took the first one that sounded decent, moved back and took new job, it sucked, found new job, boss was a ****, found new job, job was ok, hard work but I did it for my new baby girl, baby girl born best day of my life. All is well offered sales job at the first business I moved there for, I did like sales so I accepted, wrong move, so I was offered job in Home state, family moved back, girlfriend her son from previous relationship and myself and our daughter. She stayed at home I worked, lasted six months and then she was offered a better job back in other state, we decided I would be stay at home daddy cuz her job was pretty well paying. The father of her son never paid child support, never spent time with the boy and she still tried to help her son have relationship, she started not coming home on time, then one night not at all, drugs were involved and I decided that we needed a break, came back to my he state for a month, flew back to other state and as soon as I landed called her to tell her I was on my way, this is when she told me she had moved her sons father into our house, I arrive, be bad moved all his **** in and was building walls and all kinds of **** in the house, he is a drug dealer, a felon and I saw drugs in garage, slept there with my daughter that night, woke up early and took my daughter, she called cops I had to go back to the house, I told the cops there we re drugs in the house and I was a stay at he daddy and protecting my baby, they honestly told me that was not the issue right now, had to let to of my baby back to piece of **** mother, had no money, no job, no place to stay cuz I was not staying with them. Loaded truck with what I could fit and drive back alone. Found job and started worki t back in my home state, she would not let me talk to my baby if she answer at all, got ugly went to court, my lawyer sucked bad, I lost. See my daughter 4 days a month on paper but ex will not answer phone, I I've up, tried suicide, didn't work, xmeet up with my girlfriend I was seeing when this all began and told her how I felt pressure and I was happy to be with her cuz I knew now how much I loved her and I did, she broke up with me via text like 3 weeks later, 2 weeks go by and I get a call at 3 am from the jail, she got a DUI and no ody else would answer, she tells me she loves me and knew that she could always count on me, we love I. Together, gets ugly , break up kicks me out, gets real ugly , start seek g her a little bit more and we start staying together back in our apartment again as a couple, she tells me she applied for and got a job while we were broke up had to move out of state, some how she got out of the lease without me signing anything and moved into a different aparent in same complex with her friend, we were getting all g so I moved my stuff to my parents, I helped her move her stuff to new apartment, says she will only be gone for a few month, she wa ts to move all stuff out of her apartment now, I tell her it's not going to work it will be to hard for me to have long distance relationship with her cuz all the **** that has been happening between us, she convincede she loved me so I believed her, I help her move all her stuff again, take her to Airport, kiss say goodbye, she does not call next day cuz she did not want to e rude to her friend, horrible, break up. Lost all my stuff but a truck load, lost my baby, lost my love of my life I thought, tried to lose my life, broke, no friends, feel depressed and just tired all the time, cry a lot, miss my baby girl, just barley convinced her to give me a newer photo, I did nothing to her, my baby's mother, I don't k ow why she won't let me be part of my daughters life and o yhea she was engaged 3 months after I left. I miss my baby, I miss and am so broken hearted for her and my girlfriend who I thought was the one and that I should have never left I. The first place. Started doing drugs to make the pain go away or at least forget about it for now. There is more details but you get the point, I am really broken hearted and really sad and depressed.
Onlymyshadow Onlymyshadow
36-40, M
Dec 15, 2012