I'm Sorry, I Just Can't.

Dedicated to a certain someone.
I really wish I could tell you the truth. Sometimes I feel like you're the only person I can trust with my secrets, but other times I think I've just made you up in my head. I want you to know me, to be there for me, to love me, to want me. I'm sorry I can't tell you all the things I've dreamed of saying. I have to keep it in my head, it's better that way. I want you to know me as the girl with the smile on her face, as the girl who can really make you laugh, as the girl you feel comfortable around. I don't want you to worry about me or feel sorry for me. And if I die young I want to be a good memory, a happy memory. I want you to only remember the good times. I don't want you to know how I feel, you don't want to know. Right when I start to feel comfortable, right when I start to open up, that is when I'll lose you. And I can't let that happen. I won't let it happen. Things can't change. Maybe someday I'll be able to tell you this, but that day is not today, and it's not tomorrow either. Keeping all of this in my head is hard but I can manage. I feel like I'm a bomb waiting to blow up. Like all this stuff I've held in for so long will, someday, come overflowing out of me. I can keep it in for now but it gets harder every day. I'm so sorry I can't let you know this. You can't know what I'm thinking, or what I'm feeling. I'll just have to keep up this act. I will forever be a stranger.
Not Gonna Fall--
I'm not gonna let myself fall if you're not gonna catch me.
I'm keeping up my guard, I don't know where this is going.
Just before I see you I tell myself that we wouldn't make it,
I keep on pretending but it's hard to fake this.
It gets harder every day, trying to keep a smile on my face.
But it's falling apart like the pieces of my heart.
I'm trying not to fall out of place, but I'm coming undone.
Every time I come up for air you pull me right back under.
I'm drowning in this feeling, it's pouring rain and thunder.
I don't know how I got here but I keep falling deeper.
sincerelymetes sincerelymetes
18-21, F
Jan 22, 2013