A Somewhat Confusing RelationshipRight so basically about 3 years ago I met this girl I thought she was great. She was cute, funny and we were quite good friends. But only till towards the end of last year did we start dating, it was all new for me because I'd never been in proper a relationship before. Anyway we took things slow, but that was when it started scaring me. I must have commitment issues or something because things got overly serious (I was only 17) and so I bailed after 5 months (she mention moving in together, marriage, children, EVERYTHING), I think a week or two before, she saw it coming but just didn't think it would actually happen. But since then I've never been able to let go.
Last year during the Summer we got together in secret a few times, and had sex for the first time(s). This was us agreeing to only be friends with benefits though. Things went a bit quiet between us after that, and only towards Christmas did we start talking again, although it was different. We did the usual meet up in secret thing, staying over when home alone etc. But this time we were texting more often, and a couple months ago she said 'I love you' it had been a while since I'd heard that so I said it back, because it's the truth I do. But now she's saying if I don't get back into a proper relationship with her, then it's over. I've got till the end of summer holidays (August) to decide.
I just don't want to hurt her, whether it's by rejecting her after all this time, or getting into a relationship then breaking up with her in the foreseeable future. We really are close, but the future scares me. I'm slowly failing my A levels in college, work is stressful and I know when things get serious I spend too much time focusing on her. I just can't stand thinking about the future, and it's scary when you're with someone who seems to have already planned it.. Just needed to get that off my chest so if people have comments It'd be great to hear them thanks.