I've been thinking about this group since I joined it.  It felt like any story I wrote would simply be repeating something I've already said, probably more than once.

I am trying to be much more selective about the people I get close to.  I do have trust issues.  I've erred on both sides of the equation.  I let people in when in hindsight, I think I clearly should have known better.  And I've pushed people away that I probably shouldn't have.

So I'm struggling to find that elusive and delicate balance.  Maybe other people don't struggle with it so much, but I do.  Part of my problem is as obvious as that heart I wear on my sleeve.  But I do think I managed to erase that "sucker" tattoo that was stamped on my forehead.

It all comes down to trust.  I've decided to trust myself to make the right choices.  I know I may still get burned.  But better to incur a little pain along the way then remain alone.

SeriouslySappy SeriouslySappy
51-55, F
20 Responses Nov 3, 2009

It's Natural Necessary And Normal to have trust issues
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i feel this way too, i could have written this.<br />
<br />
i need to find that balance you talk about. perhaps when i feel safe again. right now im not letting anyone in, and i have people at a comfortable distance.

Thanks for the comment Formylady. You're quite right. And I am very happy again, thanks.

You should be selective with who you let into your "balance". <br />
Without betrayal, lying and injustice you wouldn't need the word trust, it would just be normal. <br />
Unfortunately most have trust issues eventually. Most keep trying, and learn from there past. <br />
You will too! You will be happy again!

Wow Ligthfingers ... we must have a lot in common then! lol

Thehartsfool .... gee, thanks for your comment. If you think this is stupid, you should see some of my other stories ... lol

This is stupid. I don't let people in because I was nothing but screwed over by my family when my father passed away. I was 15 when he became sick with cancer. by 18 I was on the streets of MPLS. And have had such a rough time with it ever since. Now married, my total lack of trust comes into play only when it has to do with someone outside of my wife and children. We now have a 19 year old in college. She has a boyfriend, but I refuse to have anything to do with him or his family. To me it’s a waste of time, effort, and energy. This causes problems for sure, but I'll take my hits as they come, I always have. I trust and go out of my way to like no one. No one gets in. my immediate family only. Am I messed up? Perhaps, or I'll even go as far as to say yes. But I built that guard up for a reason, and my oldest daughters extracurricular activities beyond academics, should hold no bearing on what I wish to do with my time. If my wife insists on hanging out with the other parents for some gay get together that’s her call not mine. I don't care what she says to them as far as why I'm not there. Again that is her call. I enjoy my life, but just chose to not go out of my way to want to hang with others.

I get what you're saying Steven. It's a bad situation to be in.<br />
<br />
Thanks Analyzer ... balance is what I'm working the hardest on. It is so tough, at least it has been for me. You're also right ... there is a cost to be paid sometimes. <br />
<br />
Thanks for the comments.

I like what you said about self-discovery Risheeka... Self trust must be the key to finding that balance. Thanks for the comment.

Life will bring u pain all by itself.Ur responsibility is to creat joy.Since U discover more about urself through failure than through success,make failure a friend that u value and learn from.Creat joy through too get close with selective ppl,but have self trust... Balace it will b easy....

Me too.<br />
<br />
Very well said. :)

I heard that sappy, times and feelings change as does expectations, wants , wishes and desires...<br />
Me I love the interaction for I need it so, but find it hard when I block / leave out others . So if I become over burdened it hope it not a heavy one to carry... Glad your getting your trust issues corrected with epidermal treatments >>> :) me, I'll suffer a bit more for lifes hope , lifes dreams and pray I'm not riding the Tiatanic on it's way to the bottom.. Lovely post thanks again... be safe

Yes, that's me exactly.<br />
I was too naive, and i got burned so many times, i don't trust anyone. Now I try to make myself happier and stronger, I don't try to fulfill myself with relationships, and I hope that if I meet someone worth having in my life, I can get over my past. There's currently no one in my life who hasn't burned me before, so I'm not even trying to take trust "baby steps". <br />
<br />
But then I'm an all or nothing kind of person.

Painful? Hmmm... I'll just have to wear my fringe long.

Koalaguy ... it took a great deal of time, and it was a painful process. Lots of dermabrasion required. It was easier for me though, I just used make up to cover it up until it was completely gone. ; )

"sucker" tattoo. LOL<br />
<br />
Where do you go to get that removed... I'd like to have it done professionally.

Bmac .... very good points you've made and I do agree with you. Thanks for the comments.

You know GottaB, despite being a sap, I also have that cynical side. I do give people the benefit of the doubt but boy, if you screw me over, I do not do forgiveness well. I guess I'm trying to put myself in the position where I can just accept people for who they are. Maybe more importantly, I'm trying to accept myself.<br />
Thanks for the comment. : )

Hi Seriously,<br />
Abraham Lincoln said he could tell all about a person after talking to them for a few minutes. I guess he was good at reading people. I trust myself to be able to read people well enough to know what I can share with them. I make mistakes with some people and I don’t forget those mistakes but I try to learn from them. I guess a trust issue for me would be when I don’t trust myself. I find there is barrier of trust I must cross in order to establish a close relation with a new friend or new love relationship. The barrier is one of letting go of my fear of not trusting myself enough to know when the new relationship will not hurt me. <br />
<br />
B Macdugal

In your own way you're speaking for me, word for word ... Getting burned sucks, and wears you down in the trust department, and gets you questioning as you are ... <br />
When I think about it, my last hindsight revelation showed me that I could have saved myself 16 months of sanity, or triy to help someone deserving of respect ... All I can do is give people credit ... it's what they do with it that determines my mood for the next little while ... so I work to get back to my old self again ... cynical, but trying :) ... thanks Sappy :)