Self-proclaimed loner?

People generally don't like me..  It might be my presence ( I'm not the big, but two heads taller than most women of my age.. and they are all pretty skinny ), the look in my eyes, my strong will, the fact that I'm a smart-alec or that I'm not full blooded caucasian. So when they do take interest in me, I get suspicious. :') *insert paranoid smiley*

Combine this with the fear of being abandoned, and you've just gotten to know a little piece of the complex being that is me. ^^;

PinkBunnyProject PinkBunnyProject
22-25, F
6 Responses Nov 18, 2007

Trust is a matter of respect and earned in a relationship between ppl. Height does not matter, I was picked as teenager and I grew to a height of 5' 4" and stopped. I moved into a new school at the age of 12 and was the new kid, new target, we dressed different coming out of a catholic school into a public school system. So the cycle was set and it was hard to break. I became a loner into my adult years and friendships were hard to establish. You always wonder what they think about you, did I say the wrong thing, did a offend someone with something I said. I'm in my 50's now moved to new state, started a new life, new job and new out look. If I happen to offend someone...I tell them I'm sorry and move on, I speak whats on my mind. I'm honest with people, which I have always been I don't lie to ppl. If I'm busy I tell them or don't wish to go, I don't make up some lame excuse. Just be open and honest and above all BE YOURSELF, don't try to be someone that your not or someone they want you to's to much work.

Ha me too. I'm taller than most girls at my school by at least an inch. When anyone seems interested in me, I always suspect they're just looking for entertainment, and willl laugh at me behind my back. I don't trust people to just be friendly. I've been tricked one too many times for that.

For many years I placed myself in a self-imposed exile. My experienced has echoes of kitkat. Troubled childhood, difficulty making friends and a sequence of bad experiences that compounded the notion that I am difficult to be friends with. <br />
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The issues were quite complicated but could be questioned with<br />
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Why did I choose the friends I chose?<br />
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What events lead to me being afraid of abandonment? <br />
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It was a complicated answer that I do not have the time (or patience) to outline. The one thing that did help me get to the bottom of it was writing about it. I chose this over talking about it because I found it hard to let people close to me. So every time I had a difficult emotional response to the situations surrounding this, I would boot up my Word Processor and outpour. Took a long time, but I am now far, far better at getting close to people.

I SO understand about being physically different from others your age. I hit my full height of just shy of 6 feet when I was around 16. Like you, I used humor and the like to protect myself...and deeply distrusted anyone who tried to get too close.<br />
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Frankly, I think that the ones that are worth being close to will be willing to do the work to get to know you well.

i cant really say that i understand, because i really have no interest towards ppl altogethor (except psychology) but i can say that someday someone who really loves you for you will come along and make you feel happy. you sound like you would be really good friends with me or my mom.. we are both smart alecs, but we are "shorter" and "petite". and both of us have a hard time trusting ppl. ------------you sound like you have some really good qualities.

I totally understand. I grew up very angry so I never learned how to make friends. Then when I started trying to make friends in highschool, I met all the wrong people. They screwed me over and left me to pick up their messes. I have a hard time feeling like People are trustworthy anymore. It takes a long time for me to become comfortable with a person.