I Start Out Very Standoffish

Sadly, the old saying "A stranger is a friend you haven't met yet" does not apply to me at all. To me, a stranger is someone who will screw you over, insult your intelligence, or disappoint you in some way" is much more accurate. At the beginning of the semester I must have been in some euphoric state, because the wall broke down after about 30 minutes. The people I met that day are great, and I am still tight with them....HOWEVER, there were other people I met that week who turned out to be exactly what I expected them to be. A lot also depends on the situation. I would be more apt to accept males who are as bad looking or worse looking than I am, as they tend to be less pretentious. Besides my own insecurities, I find that stereotypes about the judgemental nature of attractive people tend to be largely based on fact. Admittedly, that may be me as well. I am quite catty with attractive men, like women are with other women. I will say this, though. If someone proves themself to be worthy people, I will overlook anything and let them in. This is why alcohol is good. Nevertheless, it takes a little while for me to open up to the point that I am actually hanging out with people. What's worse is that I am not someone who can just interject myself into a conversation. I am not someone who interrupts people or forces my way into conversations. A lot of people can do that but I cannot. I find it rude. Often I find myself in social situations where I am standing in the background, not talking while everyone else is ensconced in conversation. All of this contributes to my reluctance to open up to people. Basically, I NEED one on one time to get to know someone, but it takes awile for me to become comfortable enough to do so. I am pretty sure I have Avoidant Personality Disorder.

TheEvilLeaper TheEvilLeaper
26-30, M
4 Responses Mar 31, 2010

ITA. I don't care to be within a group of people much either.<br />
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I have been burned way too many times by friends or people i thought were my friends that I don't like people to know anything about me until I feel like they are "safe"...won't judge me or turn against me. <br />
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People you can trust are very rare.

I agree. We are just made differently. Besides, there is something annoying about the gregarious social butterfly who tends to be everybody's friend. You don't really know where you stand with them. If they can be so unassuming as to be friends with everyone, whose to say that you actually mean something to them and aren't just a source of misguided pleasure. Friendship isn't something I just give away, particularly since many people do have agendas. Thank you for the comments.

interesting..i am the same way at times. there are few times when i take charge of a social setting and "meet" people...i am one of those ppl "trust no one" and "everyone wants something". I like to "push" ppl whenever i can to see if they can "hang" .... so it tells me if they are strong enough for me to "lean" on during rough patches....terrible i know....and i dont have any female friends...dont understand why..i try tho they never stay around long....my best friends are men....over 20yrs of their friendships....being "standoffish" makes us unique and i think its a statement if a person makes the effort to try and get to "know" that stand-offish person....

You sound like me. I can't tell you how hard I work to avoid group settings :)