im 19 and extremely shy,i have no job ,boyfriend and my friends dont call me anymore. i have never in my life been so shy until this year.i have had many jobs,friends and boys in my past and all of a suden im left with nothing.
getting a job for me is not hard but keeping up with it is. i had 4 jobs in my life and the first job i had i got fired. i must admit i sucked so bad that even i would have fired myself.i was working as a cashier at home outfitters and let me tell you cash is so not for me.back then i was mad at myself cuz i got fired but today,i accept it. i then worked as a salesperson but i was running away from customers,never asked if they needed help they always came to me but that job was a contract so it dint last that long. the two other jobs, i worked at a clothing store and quit because i was too shy.
so then my story begins now.i was jobless for about 8 months and had to get a job cuz i had zero money in my pockets.the job that i found degrades anyone emotionally.dont really want to talk about it now but i did it for 8 months then quit cuz something went wrong.
i then met a guy and he was the first guy i ever dated so i have no experience at all in dating.we went for dinner and i was so quiet and soooo shy i was saying in my head he is never calling me ever again,he must think im soo boring shy. but he ended calling me again and i was so surprised.during our 3 month dating, i hardly ever talked cuz i was soo shy and even he told me u dont talk alot ,you dont smile alot ,i cant imagine you crying you dont look like you cry.ya right ,i cry about every month !(in my head).when he would say that, it would get me mad cuz its so not the message i wanted to send him but thats wat i looked like.evrytime he wanted to go out to bars i alwayz told him excuses cuz i was too shy to go to a bar with him. he wanted me to meet his friends and again excuses cuz i was shy. he wanted to travel but no cuz im too shy.3 months went by and our relationship just stopped. he stopped calling me,i know he thinks i dint want to be with him but the truth is i really did its just i was too shy to show any emotion and too shy to do anything with him other then watching movies or eating with him.after things ended up with him, thats wen i told myself ive got a serious prolem, im soo shy its ruining my life.
im now jobless again and my relationship with my friends is sinking. i havnt seen my friends for about 2 months but that because they dont call me anymore.i never thought this day would come. no job,no boyfriend and no friends . im going crazy, im alone everyday, i hate myself now, i find myself ugly now and i just want to dissapear. i blame my shyness for being where i am today. i reallly want to break out of my shell but i dont understand why im so shy.