Depression Taking Its Toll On MeSalut. This is all new to me since I'm a recent member in this site... I'm really not used to posting personal stuff and sharing it.. Especially from where I come from (the middle east), I'm just brought up to being more discreet and secretive.. But this site is special since no one knows one another. And so, it's much easier for me to open up and vent!
I'm just in this phase where I should start focussing on getting into uni, and just go on with my life like any other normal person. But I got depressed since I dont know what to major in... And that has taken two years from my life.. All my friends are 2 years ahead of me. And that truely bothers me and I'm quite down all the time. That and the fact that I'm gaining weight like crazy - I am considered obese now!!
Those two combined together have changed the person that I used to be. I used to be soo energetic, friendly & enthusiastic about anything new - mostly like any other teenager.
My parents aren't making it any easier. They think that its harder for them - facing the public - than it is for me!
Lately, I have been staying at home. Eating and watching tv. What a life! My freinds have abandoned me. Every one going on with their lives and uni.. And i do not blame them. And so, I too keep a distance from them. I just hate it when they ask me: so how about you? You applying to uni?? What arre you doing?! And the questions just go on and on.. Why are they judging me?! What are they benefiting from all of this?! They are just adding on my agony! And i do ignore them and ask of them to just change the subject.. To no use. You can see their "questionable eyes" while they stare at me! Wth?!
And in three months time, I have my entrance exam - I'm going to apply to a uni but I am afraid from the fact that I might not get accepted cuz of the racism that's so dominant from where I come from - and so, I haven't started studying!!
Sometimes I think that my life is falling apart.. But then - and here is where I contradict myself - I look around and see that my family is beside me... That these two years have been a blessing since I've met the most extraordinary people.. I have worked and i've gained experience that would help me later on... I'm just hoping to get an epiphany real soon! And ofcourse, it doesn't happen overnight and I am aware of that.
I just don't want to be a failure in life. I'm scared of that. And the funny part is that instead of getting up and start doing something about it, i just sleep on it and here I am. Posting this here...
Faith. That is what I believe in so that kinda helps me to let go of things that put me down..
Maybe my story isn't really this depressing.. But for me, it is the worst phase I'm passing through.
I do need help. I don't know from where to start...
QueenJay 18-21 1 Response 0 Apr 30, 2011