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I Can't Get Grounded, I Have No Gratification Delay

So this is how my day goes. i wake up in kind of state of anxiety, and then i eat too much to relieve that anxiety. and then i get on the computer as if i'm going to be productive and who knows if i am or not. then i'll feel so bad about being unproductive i'll send out like a million cover letters and resumes to anything and everything. and then i'll try not to eat too much or eat too bad. sometimes all i can think about is what to eat next. I feel like there is almost nothing i can do about this state of feeling completely ungrounded. i tried therapy and twelve step and church of christian science and none of those made me feel grounded. when i talk to people on the phone or do some excercise, i feel better. but i can't seem to SUSTAIN a state of sanity. the last time i felt grounded in my life is was when i had a job with people who were mentoring me, or when i had a huge project for school to do, and i was determined to just get it done before the deadline i knew exactly what needed to be done. i just can't seem to get focused and grounded.i feel like i have no faith in anything, and can't sustain the motivation or belief in anything to do anything for a long period of time. i just hate that there is almost nothing i can do about this state of discomfort. its not like, oh i'll be comfortable when i do THIS action or achieve THIS thing, its just this state of ungroundedness.
emilystrange105 emilystrange105 26-30, F 7 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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The similarities between your feelings of ungroundedness and how I exist are incredible. I haven't been able to attach a single word to myself that makes as much sense.<br />
With ungroundedness, deep feelings of failure, turmoil, guilt, shame, inadequacy, helplessness, anger and even rage swirl about.<br />
I am tormented especially at night. When the house is quiet, with no distractions. My mind then becomes completely bombarded with worries and despair. Dreams are like relentless attacks on my already overwhelmed psyche.<br />
I wake up every morning feeling tired and full of anxiety. On the outside, I try to be normal & acting my way through life is how I live. I'm so tired of acting. I long to be at peace.

I know how u feel I'm the same it feels like I'm on a road to no where

are you fat?

I've always said that to myself. "If I can do this, get here, accomplish this, i'll feel better." Usually when I "get there," I just think of what else I want, need or don't have. This can be a positive if you use it in the right way, but I haven't figured out how to let it drive me without destroying me first. There's so many confessions I still want to share here on ep, but I can't even focus long enough to get a story out. So I just keep doing short comments everywhere because it takes less of my attention and time. Ugh. Every day I have a plan of what I'm going to accomplish that day. Then I get up and screw it up somehow. How have other people figured this life thing out so well?

oh my gosh i know exactly how you feel!! whenever i set out to accomplish something it never happens, even here on EP, where we are supposed to just be screwing around, it feels difficult to get stories out! are you writing a blog? i want to start one but even that feels difficult! the only time i get anything done is when someone tells me i HAVE to get something done, or if I will be reprimaded if I don't. so what would it take for us to accomplish things without destroying ourselves first? And i REALLY relate to the thing about not being able to set out accomplishing something without destroying me first. In fact, almost everything I have truly "accomplished" i HAVE destroyed myself in the process. What comes to me is being too attached to the thing we are trying to accomplish rather than the process. what if making story comments were just as good as writing actual stories. what if writing actual stories could be as easy as story comments. thanks for your comment it made my day and made me feel less burdened by this issue i have!

Ha! There was something I worked for, for 5 years and within 6 months of getting it, it set me back, way back! Ugh. I haven't started a blog yet. I thought about it but I need to first find the discipline to get my initial rantings and confessions out. "What comes to me is being too attached to the thing we are trying to accomplish rather than the process. what if making story comments were just as good as writing actual stories. what if writing actual stories could be as easy as story comments." Something to think about :)

I'm using what I learned from a book called "The 2 Degree Difference" to help me.

cool, what is it about?

I can relate to what your saying !