I Can't Get Grounded, I Have No Gratification Delay
So this is how my day goes. i wake up in kind of state of anxiety, and then i eat too much to relieve that anxiety. and then i get on the computer as if i'm going to be productive and who knows if i am or not. then i'll feel so bad about being unproductive i'll send out like a million cover letters and resumes to anything and everything. and then i'll try not to eat too much or eat too bad. sometimes all i can think about is what to eat next. I feel like there is almost nothing i can do about this state of feeling completely ungrounded. i tried therapy and twelve step and church of christian science and none of those made me feel grounded. when i talk to people on the phone or do some excercise, i feel better. but i can't seem to SUSTAIN a state of sanity. the last time i felt grounded in my life is was when i had a job with people who were mentoring me, or when i had a huge project for school to do, and i was determined to just get it done before the deadline i knew exactly what needed to be done. i just can't seem to get focused and grounded.i feel like i have no faith in anything, and can't sustain the motivation or belief in anything to do anything for a long period of time. i just hate that there is almost nothing i can do about this state of discomfort. its not like, oh i'll be comfortable when i do THIS action or achieve THIS thing, its just this state of ungroundedness.