I Really Am Wasting My Life : (

I am a 21 year old girl who still lives at home, working a good paying job that I hate. Not going to school. Have a fiance who went to prison who i am now thinking he has borderline personality disorder and our relationship has almost totally fallen apart due to being apart and emotional abuse. I have secluded myself to my house. I have no friends beside the older women I work with and my family. The things I look forward to are going home and watching a movie or show. I see my old friends traveling the world and doing so much and having so much fun and I am here, doing nothing. I guess I am scared since i use to be into drugs and those were the only friends I had, now that i have stopped i have no friends and i am scared for falling back into that habit. I am scared of everything and always feel at a stand still with my life. I will have fun one day but the next i feel the same way, bored and sad... I hate this. Is there any hope? I know I am young i just feel so dull and bored with life and feel i cant find happiness.. Thanks for listening.
vegasgirl123 vegasgirl123
22-25, F
6 Responses Jan 11, 2012

You need a father.

We were created to be with God. Therefore He is the only thing that can truly satisfy us. You are looking for satisfaction in the wrong places!<br />
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God gives us good things like pleasure, success, relationships, money, joy. But if we go chasing after these things instead of the creator of these things we will be left unsatisfied.<br />
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C.S. Lewis(author of the Narnia chronicals and once a fervent athiest) wrote: “I was standing today in the dark toolshed. The sun was shining outside and through the crack at the top of the door there came a sunbeam. From where I stood that beam of light, with the specs of dust floating in it, was the most striking thing in the place. Everything else was almost pitch-black. I was seeing the beam, not seeing things by it. Then I moved, so the beam fell on my eyes. Instantly the whole previous picture vanished. I saw no toolshed and (above all) no beam. Instead I saw, fr<x>amed in the irregular cranny at the top of the door, green leaves moving on the branches of a tree outside and beyond that, ninety-odd million miles away, the sun. Looking along the beam, and looking at the beam are very different experiences.”<br />
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John piper commented on this quote on this quote: "the sunbeams of blessings in our lives are bright in and of themselves. They also give light to the ground where we walk. But there is a higher purpose for these blessings. God means for us to do more than stand outside them and admire them for what they are. Even more, he means for us to walk into them and see the sun from which they come. If the beams are beautiful, the sun is even more beautiful. God’s aim is not that we merely admire his gifts, but, even more, his glory."<br />
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This is what I believe. I hope you can find some truth in it.

I had a similar situation at 21. Its gotten a little better at 25. but it doesnt go away by itself. still nowhere near completely content.

I've had up and downs, just like you. I think everybody has, but in different ways. So there is nothing to be sad or scared about. I am not gonna say what you should do, or what you should not! but you know, I was an alcoholic when I was 25. had no job, nothing... my life was full of ****. And then, I realized nobody is gonna help me. I am all alone. And nobody cares. at first it was really painful. it was painful to know nobody cares. But then, I started thinking, what about me? does it really matter if no one cares? people are busy with their lives. People are selfish and even if they are not, they have no time helping me. So one day I went out, got a job and moved on with my life. It was not that easy you know.it took time. I hated the job, I didn't like the place I was living in and people were strange. I am not lying, it wasn't nice and easy, but somehow I made it. after sometime, I found the job I liked and moved to the place I wanted. I stopped expecting people to help me and tried by myself. So start over, make a change and move on with your life. You are the miracle of your life...<br />
Have a good life stranger ;)

I understand how you feel. Being about the same age, it can get annoying to hear people say, "Oh, you're still young, how can you ask that of yourself, you have your whole life ahead of you, etc.". The truth is, when you feel you're at a dead end, and the future you imagine is as bleak and empty as your present, this is no consolation whatsoever. <br />
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Luckily, therein also lies your solution. If you can let your imagination determine a brighter potential future, you've got the hope you're looking for, and you'll notice everything will get easier and less boring. From the little you have told us about yourself, two very positive things stand out. Firstly: you have a good paying job. This is really something you shouldn't underestimate. Once you have exciting future plans and goals, you will value your salary a lot more, and you can see the job as just a temporary means of obtaining it. Secondly: you got yourself (or someone got you) off the drugs and away from the people who can't shake the habit. Don't look back, and if you ever feel the overwhelming "I'm at a standstill" emotion, just remember that moving away from the drugs meant moving forward. <br />
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Concrete advice: dump the guy. I know nothing about him, but it sounds like you know this is what you need to do and you just wanted the confirmation. Emotional abuse is not something you need from the person you plan to marry. You will both get over it.<br />
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Lastly: not going to school is not necessarily a bad thing. Earning money now and figuring out what you really want before going back to school will save you a lot of debt, and people in their mid- to late twenties are often far more focused and successful when they do go back to study. But I would suggest devoting some time from TV away to researching what could interest you, so you know you are heading somewhere. <br />
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Hope that helps.

Honey when your 41 and in the same place then you can say that your wasting your life but you have your whole life ahead of you what I would give for that! Dump that boyfriend he will only take you down and dont think to yourself well you dont know him I almost ruined my life in the same relationship but I woke up at age 23 went to college (by the way you can get a lot of money to go to school). What do you dream of? What do you want to be more than anything? Get up and do it! No excuses! I wanted to be an actress so I drove to Hollywood slept in my car within 2 months I was volunteering for a show at CBS I had my 15 minutes on a show and was an extra in a movie. I gave up because of all the pressure thats what I did my whole life was give up when it got hard just dont be like me dont give up when it gets hard. You are already ahead getting and staying clean thats a huge thing oh my God that is wonderful you have done the hardest thing on this planet already if you can do that YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!! Reach for the stars darling and hold on for dear life because it goes really fast in a bl<x>ink of an eye 20 years will pass.........