I fell in love with someone that I saw was perfect. Of course when your in love everything else doesn't matter you only focus on the one that you fell in love with. In my case thats how it was. Little by little my friends saw I surrounded myself with that person and I noticed that I wasn't myself anymore. I was a more determined person. My life was different and now its confusing. Being with someone for 2 years is a long time you have set your future surrounding both you and that person and when it finally ends what do you do.? I'm not the type of person to tell people what happened so I keep it to my self and act as if nothing happened then when someone doesn't think about it,its a total shock. I haven't told anyone that we aren't together anymore I mean we've been together for 2 years practically living together how do you tell someone "oh hey,I'm single" and smile about it. I mean thats what your suppose to do right smile? you can't seem hurt because you look pathetic or weak and those aren't something I feel good about. We've been on and off but I mean I actually think that things are over. I've held so much inside. There was a bad side everyone saw it but I defended it. It was just verbal abuse like name calling,telling me to shut up and so many things that I rather not bring up. In a relationship its suppose to be 2 not one and according to...I wasn't trying. Maybe this doesn't make sense but if you were in my shoes you'd understand how hurt I should be. I flipped I couldn't handle it anymore I blew up. Came back home and wasn't there anymore. Last thing that was said was "We are over" Usually when I walk away he never chases me but when he walks away I'm always behind him and I feel stupid for doing it. Doesn't deserve one bit of what i've given. I don't wanna surround myself around this person anymore nothing but heartache nothing but me trying and getting me no where. There are no regrets none whats so ever "Things happen for a reason". I'm just not that strong anymore. I guess I can finally say we aren't meant to be. Will we get back together? With how weak I am..probably. Do I know its a bad idea? Yes because things seem to never change. We always said to each other "We will be together Always,&Forever+Eternity" We "Promised" We talked about our future together. Now? Now,its like it meant nothing. How do I tell people we aren't together I HATE the why? what happened? Everything will be ok? Like I get it now its better to just be quiet about your life than say a word to people so they won't judge. I'll deal with it my own way. Maybe it will take 2 days to tell someone a week a month....I don't know. I can't even cry anymore after it happened I kept smiling and moved on with my life as if nothing happened. Why? because its happened so many times with this person tears aren't even worth it anymore or even to say a word. I guess its basically over. I Cant keep thinning about the relationship its getting me no were. I need to start thinking about myself.

WhatHappensInMyLife WhatHappensInMyLife
Sep 25, 2012